Best exercise program? Unstable Jeff did 50 burpees a day for thirty days and here’s what happened.

Hi. I’m Jeff, and I’ll admit it. I used to think a “burpee” was either something you did to a baby or what happened after you drank too many beers. Hahahahahaha. Laugh! It’s fucking funny!
 
Anyway, I was looking for a new exercise regimen, and I kept hearing that to get a full body workout, you need to do stuff where your whole body is involved. Makes sense, right? Repeat that to me, motherfucker!
 
So, I found an exercise called “burpees” where you just stand there and then suddenly squat, do a push up, and get up and then keep doing that. I did this fifty times a day for an entire month, and here’s what happened. 
 
What happened to Unstable Jeff after doing 50 burpees a day for a month:
 
-I threw up on myself and others (who were near me at the bus stop).
 
-It was difficult to control my dick until I started wearing underwear for the workout.
 
-It helps if you grunt or say “UUUUUNNGHHHHHHH!” every time you do one. 
 
-Doing burpees at a bus stop is often misdiagnosed as “exhibiting mental illness.”
 
-Following people home who stared at you when you were doing burpees at a bus stop and then doing burpees in front of their homes like, yeah I’ll do a fucking burpee on your lawn motherfucker, is often mischaracterized as “disturbing” or “threatening.”
 
-“Burpee” is Indian for “Michael” or “Dave.”
 
-Every time I do one, I gain a previously unclaimed soul for my mayonnaise jar.
 
-If you rap, you could rhyme it with “slurpee.” You’re welcome.
 
-I’m done doing burpees now. Goodbye. 
 
 
Unstable Jeff is a guy whose last name doesn’t really matter as much as the adjective he has in front of his first name. You get it. Any comments or contact requests may be made at [email protected].

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