2024 brought us stuff, both good and bad. And also just o.k. The IBR year in review.

Another year is passing like a relative you’ve never heard of who your mom says died and you’re like, who? Only this time that dead uncle is the Intergalactic Business Report, and you’re forced to go to the funeral. No, we didn’t die, but yes, you’re going to sit there and hear about all the things we did that we think are amazing and think to yourself, “That’s not that great.” We don’t care. And there’s no food or alcohol because we ate and drank everything already.
 
Anyway, here’s what happened at IBR in 2024.
 
The year began with Ed Mountaineer switching his religion to worshipping immortal instatrillionaire Kris Krohn. We also helped orgiasts with some conversation starters and new home buyers from dying in a ghost attack.
 
As the year progressed, AI bot Arthur Killallhumans wrote a love letter to your girlfriend; we warned you about more “mayhem” from Allstate; and encouraged ABC’s the Bachelor to ask his paramours how his dad’s dick tastes when he kisses them. We answered the question whether AI is racist (yes, but like your grandpa, if he could detonate nuclear weapons with his mind) and we gave you foolproof April Fool’s pranks to play on people in the Target parking lot. 
 
What else? Oh, Ed Mountaineer became sales and gay porn trainer Andy Elliot’s personal slave. We revealed what famous people said just before they gave their famous last words. We pitched Maggie and Jake Gylenhaal (or however the fuck they spell it) to be lovers in a movie. And we solved inflation.
 
There’s also a lot of other stuff we did, like inventing the “boner silencer,” covering the Democratic National Convention, and teaching you new things you can “weaponize.” We covered entertainment, entered a state flag contest, and pitched the Tate bros reality show ideas. Did we forget to mention that Facebook basically admitted to censoring us?
 
In the end, we tried to sell the Intergalactic Business Report for $12.8 Million. That didn’t work. So, we continue on to another year of glory for you, our reader. Join us and read all the stuff we didn’t have the space or energy to link to this. 
 
We’re done writing now. 
 
Goodbye.
 
Sincerely, 
 
Dusty Latouffe,  Supreme Editor, The Intergalactic Business Report

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