At IBR, we care about the people no one likes—you.

​As a business magazine, the Intergalactic Business Report cares for the people everyone hates—the CEOs, the ad people, the bankers, and Crypto assholes. 
 
This year, we promise to refocus and give them the hope and, yes, love they probably don’t deserve but could pay for if paying for that becomes possible, like through a robot who strokes them off, a service where people pretend to like you, or mail order companions. You get it. 
 
What we’re saying is that if you are of those rarest of human beings who feel they are above all others because they know where to buy “real” hummus, who actively seek opportunities to take their shirts off in public, or have a personalized license plate that reads: CLOSER, we are your source for information and entertainment. We’re not done yet though. If you’re someone who finds ways to use the number 69 to express yourself; if you feel the ChatGPT prompts you developed are a “force multiplier”; or if you have a story about where you tipped a waitress 110%, you should be reading this, as well as all the other crap we tirelessly churn out.
 
You’re not going to find a more unapologetic take on what’s most important in this life and this world—money and power. We tell you about the lifestyle you want and talk to business icons you have no chance of ever meeting in real life. Whether you’re aspirational or feel like you’ve already made it, just know this: we care about you. We care about you reading this. A lot. 
 
Unlike others, we don’t think you’re a douchebag. And we think it’s cool you bought that two-thousand-dollar bottle of tequila. In the darkness of reality, we are like your personal black light, that shows where all the jizz is in your hotel room, and, yes, in your life. So let us into your life and start calling us Bruv. We’ll act like that’s cool—because it is. Right?
 
We are here for you and hope to be a companion on your journey to success. If you use what we tell you, it’s almost guaranteed you can become a billionaire. It’s all here, waiting. 
 
 
Very Sincerely,
 
Dusty Latouffe, Supreme Editor, the Intergalactic Business Report

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