Business icon Hody Granger tells you what to do RIGHT NOW to survive this economy.

It happens every few years. The economy dips. Stocks fluctuate. And friends and family come running to me for advice. They ask questions like, “Should I sell my stocks?” And, “Are we going into a recession?” Perhaps my favorite question ever was from someone not even related to me who recently asked, “Should I become a male prostitute to make ends meet?” Yes, that happened. Yesterday. 

Imagine being so scared and desperate about the numbers on a stock market ticker, that you’re willing to sell your own body because it’s ticking downward. The person who asked me this (we’ll just call him Brett) had done the usual things with his retirement savings. He invested in a 401K and owned a home. He’d put away a little cash for emergencies and had reliable transportation. His credit was good. He lived within his means. He had life insurance and had been paying into Roth IRAs for quite some time. 

I asked him why he was so panicky that he was considering a life of moral ambiguity and lawlessness just because of the stock market. His answer was simple. He said, “Have you seen the fucking stock market?”

I played it cool and told him I had seen it. But then, I shrewdly added, “Why don’t you tell me what you saw, just so I can verify.” He told me the numbers. At first, I didn’t believe him. I questioned how the stock market could have fallen so hard, so fast. Basically, this is how it went:

HIM: I thought you said you were a big business guy, and you watched the stock market.

ME: Yeah. I am. 

HIM: Then why are you acting like you have no idea what’s happening right now with the stock market?

ME: Why are YOU considering becoming a male prostitute?

HIM: I’m NOT! You keep telling me I should become one.

Panic is for the weak. And our conversation showed me that weak people have two choices: Either they do something reasonable and work off their debt by doing things other people aren’t willing to do, or they lose all their money. Brett decided to lose all his money instead of making a strategic choice that would have allowed him to consolidate his debts and move forward. I pity him, in a way, for being so resistant to change. 
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If anyone is thinking about becoming a prostitute because of the current stock market, I would be happy to advise. Only hot people please.  
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In conclusion, just to say it again, I want objectively attractive people. No fatties. Also, it’s hotter if you wear glasses and say you’ve just run the numbers and you’re broke, what should you do? If you have 20-20 vision, just take the lenses out. I don’t care. Not my problem.
 
Hody Granger is a legendary entrepreneur and business activist, fighting for the rights of industrialists and business magnates who are misunderstood and under-represented. He can be reached at [email protected].

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