Facebook basically admits to censoring the Intergalactic Business Report. Should we forgive them?

Should we censor awesome satire from IBR? That's a big thumbs up!

​In October 2021 the Intergalactic Business Report openly questioned Facebook’s mysterious, passive-aggressive censorship of our content. For months, our page was suspended, reinstated, and suspended again, with no explanation other than we had violated standards. Since we have no standards, this seemed to make sense. But when Facebook eliminated our ability to advertise, our mission to enlighten the world was severely curtailed.  At the time, Facebook ran television spots featuring an ex-CIA employee who described how cool it was to stop people from saying stuff he didn’t like. I guess we should have known the government was involved.  
 
Yesterday, we heard that Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg admitted he was pressured by the government to remove “certain COVID content including humor and satire.” After years of unanswered inquiries, the Intergalactic Business Report would like to formally thank Zuckerberg for finally letting us know, however indirectly, that his company not only muzzled free speech in America, but, even worse, hid from citizens hard-hitting IBR articles like these:

1. We suggested magic may be the strongest defense against COVID-19. 

2. We reported  that Hawaiian Punch may be superior to most vaccines.

3. We wrote about a penis-delivered vaccine called the “hot beef injection.”

4. We proposed that the cure for Coronavirus may be you shutting the fuck up.

5. We told you that a new virus called “Curvedbonervirus” might be worse than Coronavirus.

6. We said that some people are dying twice from COVID-19.

7. We claimed to have negotiated with an alien race to end the pandemic.

8. We mentioned that according to Chinese government officials, having sex with Chinese government officials may give you immunity from the Coronavirus. 

9. We also stated that eating vampire boogers may be a cure.

10. We told you that COVID-19 cases could reach 4 billion per day.

11. We asserted that we could end the pandemic if everyone stopped breathing.

12. We speculated about the threat of “no-symptomatic” people.

13. We listed “ball sweat” as a possible Coronavirus symptom. 

14. We reported that you may already be dead from COVID-19.

15. We suggested that the lifting of “shelter in place” orders may give you the ability to fly.

16. We revealed our plan to save professional sports during the pandemic by starting a world-wide group masturbation league.

17. We invented a quarantine sport called “Can I fit that up my butt?” 
   
Like a cat your uncle fingered, our trust in Facebook is dependent on any treats it may give us, thus eliminating any ill will and trauma. In the meanwhile, we hope America and the world will stand against censorship and its new girlfriend nobody can stand, “Miss Information.” Read what you want. Write what you want. Don’t molest cats.
 
Very Sincerely,
 
Dusty Latouffe, Supreme Editor

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