Last chance, Sharks. The Intergalactic Business Report is for sale till Christmas Day.

After presenting the deal of a lifetime to multiple billionaires, the Intergalactic Business Report makes a pitch to the cast of Shark Tank before our price rises again and becomes too much for anyone to afford. Mark Cuban is excluded this time because he would rather back fake tequila for people on Entourage, we guess. For the rest of you Sharks, the offer is still wide open. Below, we make pitches to each of you (whose names we can kind of remember):
 
Mr. Wonderful. Royalties. You give us a loan for $12.8 Million dollars, and we pay you a royalty each time the Intergalactic Business Report gets a million views. If we don’t get a million views, we keep the money.  

Barbara Corcoran. We have a great story, and we are great people. Bet on us. Bet on us being really good people. Like $12.8 Million good people.  

That Indian dude. You’re a marketing genius. Imagine what you could do with that? You’d have $12.8 Million dollars’ worth of an online magazine to market with. Imagine the possibilities.  

David Schwimmer. We heard you were on Shark Tank? Wow. Do you even have $12.8 Million? If so, yes please. We would like that. 

Robert Herjavec. You’re Croation. We’re Croation! Kind of. Or not really at all.  

Daymond John. We’re considered by many to be the edgy urban apparel of the internet. It’s so on brand for you to pay us $12.8 Million. If not, you’re kind of a sellout? Right?  

Lori Greiner. Imagine selling an online magazine that has a viewership of like a hundred people (who accidentally click on us because they think we're porn) on QVC? It would fly off the shelves, right? 

All of you all. Would you all be willing to do this deal together? As long as you come up with the $12.8 Million, we’re good. We’d also be willing to consider a payment plan or whatever. 

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