Other cities reveal their proposals for the new Chicago Bears stadium.

---

As Gary Indiana submitted its proposal for the new Chicago Bears stadium, other cities, some of them not even in the state of Illinois, submitted theirs too. We share the ones we feel are top contenders, and evaluate the pros, cons, and possibilities. 
 
Arlington Heights: Bearadise.  

Projected cost: $2-5 Billion (with $855 Million in public funding).
 
Capacity:  60-65,000.  

Pitch: “A mixed use entertainment district anchored by a state-of-the-art NFL stadium.” 

Architectural style: Fixed-roof NFL style stadium. 
 
Pros: Metra access, $10 Billion economic impact. The Bears already purchased the property for $197 Million.  

Cons: $855 Million in public funding for infrastructure such as roads. High property taxes.  


​Myanmar: Supreme Good Stadium of the God of Wealth.  

Capacity: 750,000. 

Projected Cost: Free (with slave labor).
 
Pitch: “You do this and you will feel freedom from the fire demons we have summoned.” 

Architectural style: Football field, surrounded by another, much bigger field that is level with the football field. On the “spectator field” fans just gather, most of them not really understanding that a game is taking place in the central circle. Gunfire and rockets provided for night games.
 
Cons: Fans must fly to Thailand and then be helicoptered into a warzone to see games.  

Pros: That’s pretty much like going to a Bears game now. 


​Rantoul, Illinois: Rantoul Dome.  

---

​Capacity: 250.
 
Projected cost: $450,000.
 
Pitch: “This will be an intimate setting for players if they’re shy and don’t want all that noise. Also, opponents might get weirded out by it and fumble and stuff.”
 
Architectural style: “Large Circus Tent.” 
 
Pros: The cost of construction comes in lowest and local strippers will replace cheerleader salaries.
 
Cons:  Only 250 tickets may be sold per game because after that, the tent becomes a fire hazard.

Rockford, Illinois: Pornhub Stadium. 

Capacity:  78,000. 

Projected cost: $1.8 Billion.
 
Pitch:  “Adults only stadium that will make you come back for more.” 

​Architectural style: Traditional stadium design with private chambers for spectators to whack off in.
 
Cons: Even though the whack off chambers are considered “private” you can still see your neighbors pounding their baloney. 60% of women in focus groups said the whack off chambers would affect their decision to attend games.  

Pros: For public masturbators, this is a dream come true. Rockford is known as the “Jerk off capital of America” and Pornhub naming rights will cover stadium construction. 40% of women react positively to the whack off chambers. That’s a really good number and would attract the kinds of women Pornhub stadium is looking for.  

Capacity one tee shirts