Seeing outrageous prices? You may be part of the “dipshit” algorithm.

If you’ve ever walked into a convenience or grocery store and seen what looks like an impossible price for a product, you may have been identified as a “dipshit” by marketers. With new coding technology, some businesses have been able to alter prices instantly as they see certain consumers approach their goods, making millions in profits by targeting those their algorithm deems simpletons or unable to control their purchasing impulses. Below, we tell you how it works.
 
Instantaneous bar recoding tech gives sellers a new edge.
 
While bar codes appear permanent enough, a new electronic paper system allows retailers to update prices not only on the code but on the listed price as well. This means that, from a distant computer, businesses can update their inventory without pulling off pricing stickers. Instead, they are able to alter the ink itself to reflect a totally new code and price. Sounds impossible? A senior marketing director told us that, “Ink and paper technology has reached a new age in which it almost appears we’re doing magic. But we’re not. If you pay for the right coding system, you can change what consumers see almost instantly.”
 
Instantaneous bar recoding (IBR), as it is called by the industry, goes a step further. IBR, creates consumer profiles based on facial recognition and other factors to alter pricing as a person nears a product in a store. For instance, candy prices may be lowered automatically when children get near a row of Kit Kat bars. On the opposite end, when susceptible, mentally weak adults, or “dipshits” as marketers crudely call them, see a product they like, the price may hike dramatically. 
 
As an example, a twenty-something man may enter a city grocery store to buy beer. Scanners rate him for mental acuity and awareness and give him a low score. Then he sees a case of Sapporo beer, which the algorithm has determined is his favorite. The price instantly goes up to $45.99, which is bordering on the outrageous. The “dipshit” then goes into a state of shock and questions the price but still considers buying the beer because that’s how marketing works. 
 
The aftermath of “dipshit” identification. 
 
In the hypothetical story about the Sapporo beer, the consumer who paused and pondered the pricing was identified in the marketing system as someone perplexed by the price but also captured by the power of suggestion. While he may not be weak enough to actually buy the beer, he now is fixated on the idea of it and his purchasing behavior changes as he sees Sapporo as more valuable than it actually is. 
 
“Why,” he asks himself, “Is Sapporo more expensive here than anything else?” And it is precisely then that instantaneous bar recoding works. This consumer now puts the product at a premium in his mind, and it sticks there. He will always pay more for Sapporo, so the theory goes. He also contacts friends and relatives, who may also be potential “dipshits” and infects them with his story about the unusual pricing. They join him in valuing Sapporo at a higher level. They begin to wonder whether the world is “running out” of Sapporo and if they should start buying it now before it’s all gone. 
 
Finally, the consumer is placed in a database of other “dipshits” whose prices change whenever they enter a store using the technology.
 
The future of instantaneous bar recoding.
 
For now, IBR is limited to Sapporo beer and a few other items, like sardines, some brands of penis pumps, and beef. But marketers expect its use to grow quickly as businesses catch on to the potential. 
 
If you feel you’ve been put into a “dipshit” database and would like to understand your rights and responsibilities, contact us at [email protected].

Tees for dipshits