We regret the error(s). IBR offers corrections for errors in our articles.

If you’re a public figure, nothing is more frustrating than being misquoted by the press. Sometimes it’s a misunderstanding, but other times it’s the result of a purposeful “hit” by a zealous reporter who wants to tarnish your image. Worse is that when newspapers and magazines get it wrong and finally take responsibility for their mistakes, we see this admission buried in their publications under euphemistic or arcane headings like “corrections” or “errata.” 
 
To counter this, the Intergalactic Business Report will now publish occasional but fully revealing corrections of all the errors we have made or can think of. And we will put it up front, on a page seen by tens of people, so everyone can see it. Below we list those mistakes and plead for your forgiveness. 
 

• We stated that Ryan Reynolds drinks human urine and blood. We meant to write that Ryan Reynolds “might” drink blood and “might” also drink human urine. Saying “might” legally saves us. Also, we realize our sentence was deceptive in that it suggests the blood Mr. Reynolds might drink is also human. We have no evidence of that and contend that any blood he may or may not drink could come from nonhumans like pigs, for example. 

 

• We incorrectly asserted that AI had taken over our defense system. In reality there was a two for one breakfast burrito at Taco Bell and the line at the counter made it feel as if something was very wrong, like that perhaps AI had taken over our defense system. But this was just speculation, and we could not prove it. So, we apologize. 

 

• We misquoted Jeffrey Tanner of Bluebell Florida as saying, “Shove that thing up my butt.” The actual quote was that we didn’t quite hear him because he might not have been speaking. 

 

• We reported that Alvin Bell of Provo Utah “is a cat molester.” In reality, Mr. Bell is a “cup collector.” We’re not sure what that is so you can see why we went with cat molester. Also, meet this guy. If you spend thirty seconds with him and DON’T think he’s a cat molester, maybe you’re one. 

 

• Andy Snap of Bourson South Carolina is a general pervert. We stand by this assertion but want to clarify that by “general” pervert we mean he is an all-around sexual deviant and not that he is associated with the military or that he leads other perverts into battle.

 

• Kaitlin Margove of Endosta Canada was described by one our writers as “hot” and “smoking hot” and “so hot.” We realize this was inappropriate and had nothing to do with our interview. To correct this, we are stating now that Ms. Margove is “mid” and “nothing special” and also “never thought of her in that way.”

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• We said that Darryl Feed of Morton Kansas admitted to more than 36 serial killings between 1983 and 1996. Mr. Feed was born in 1994, making his killing spree impossible, unless he was a baby and did it. We regret the error. 

Tees with no errors