What else Scott Galloway should boycott for his “February Freeze.”

As NYU business professor/social media personality/political activist Scott Galloway denounces the Trump administration for fascism akin to Nazi Germany, he’s announced a personal boycott of all companies he feels are both tacitly and overtly supporting it. He’s asking you to do the same.  
 
As he broadcasts from his shelter in the U.K., where he’s lived since 2022, he calls upon U.S. citizens to cancel subscriptions to their most comforting sites and services in order to bring the country to its knees and retroactively stop Hitler? Or at least that’s what we’re getting from all this. (Full disclosure, we failed college business and Scott’s cool professor lectures seem super cool—till you realize you may have to drop his class because all the people around you are nodding their heads and grinning and you’re thinking about Thirsty Thursday).
 
Scott, who gives other super cool advice, like that young people should get more drunk and make bad decisions, is the kind of voice the Intergalactic Business Report admires, mostly for that one idea, although we think it should also apply to adults, and maybe start tonight. 
 
As the “February Freeze” sinks in, we help Scott by identifying other things he (and you) can boycott right now to stop the descent into fascism, at least until the opposing political party is elected again and the fascism disappears overnight and everybody’s saying it’s a new day and Fleetwood Mac is there. Until then, fight, resist, and harry on by boycotting these overlooked things:
 
What else Scott Galloway should boycott to end American fascism:
 
Using his right hand to jerk off.
This will prevent him from watching porn that inadvertently supports the Trump administration by providing soothing masturbation materials to the public, leaving them satiated while fascism settles in. By “freezing” his jerk off hand, he will finally end the fascist grip on his penis, which seeks to control him and us by stoking (or is it stroking?) fears about immigration, foreigners, and what it would be like if your step sister was really hot and she was into you and having sex with her wouldn’t destroy your entire family. 
 
His deadpan, monotone voice.
This will be replaced by a whackier, high-pitched tone and will end with a Loony Tunes, Porky Pig “That’s all folks!” to signify he’s done speaking—for now. 
 
Loony Tunes.
In direct conflict with the above, all Loony Tunes characters will be banned from Scott’s mind, because they support fascism by sitting idly by while it consumes America. Also, there’s probably an old cartoon of them with Charles Lindbergh.
 
Astroglide.
Scott’s sexual experiences will not only be devoid of his right hand (see above) but there will also be no lubricant involved, punishing both him and his partners, but reminding them stroke by stroke of how fascism really feels. 
 
Toilet paper.
This measure will give his right hand something to do since it can no longer be used to jerk off. No toilet paper will also be a constant reminder that fascism stinks. And is messy. And you can’t get the smell of it off you once you wipe it on your hand. 
 
Grindr. 
Even if you’re not gay or into random hookups, how can anyone sit idly by boning people at rest tops or train bathrooms while Trump ruins America? 
 
Taco Bell.
Wipe that fucking mild sauce off your mouth and pull out that Chalupa. From now on, you will only eat tacos from food trucks run by undocumented citizens. 
 
U.F.Os. 
Space aliens are just going to sit there and do nothing? Just like they did with Hitler? Scott will stop watching episodes of Project U.F.O, Ancient Aliens, and officially denounce E.T. as a collaborator. 
 
Underwear.
How can you just sit there, in your underwear, while Trump ruins America?
 
Inveighing against tech companies for “getting all of us to hate each other” while trying to get everyone to hate each other.
On second thought, let’s keep that one.  
 
Entertainment that makes us laugh.
How can you just sit idly by and laugh as fascism overtakes the United States? All Scott’s entertainment will now be Ingmar Bergman films, World War Two footage of Hitler, and the Finnish version of “The Office.” Also, the Intergalactic Business Report.

Merch you'll want to boycott