 “Girls’ girl” entered the cultural lexicon as something every female needs to say about herself and other females she likes. Also, if you’re a woman and not a girls’ girl that’s bad. But what does it mean?
If the term “girls’ girl” confuses you, we have answers. This week, the Intergalactic Business Report interviews Trish O’Mahew, self-proclaimed girls’ girl and perhaps the human embodiment of Peppermint Patty, if she were a little slutty and was on her phone a lot. The partial transcript or our discussion follows: INTERVIEWER: Thanks for joining us, Trish. TRISH O’MAHEW: Of course. INTERVIEWER: You say you’re a “girls’ girl.” What exactly does that mean? TRISH O’MAHEW: I think it’s like you’re the kind of woman who supports other women, no matter what. Like you follow that code of sisterhood. INTERVIEWER: So, it doesn’t have to do with women having sex with each other? TRISH O’MAHEW: No. INTERVIEWER: Oh. TRISH O’MAHEW: (Laughing). You sound kind of disappointed! INTERVIEWER: Yeah, well. I mean, I was told something else so… TRISH O’MAHEW: What were you told? INTERVIEWER: That it was women with other women. TRISH O’MAHEW: I mean, I guess it could be, but the sex part has nothing to do with it. INTERVIEWER: Wait. You’re saying it could be about that? TRISH O’MAHEW: In the sense that two women could be together and they could be girls’ girls. INTERVIEWER: While they’re doing it? TRISH O’MAHEW: While they’re doing what? INTERVIEWER: Having sex with each other? TRISH O’MAHEW: I don’t think you’re understanding the concept. INTERVIEWER: Sorry. Can you explain again? TRISH O’MAHEW: Being a girls’ girl means you support other women and that you don’t sell them out, especially to men or for men. INTERVIEWER: Let me give you a scenario and you tell me if I’m getting this right. TRISH O’MAHEW: O.K. INTERVIEWER: There are two women. TRISH O’MAHEW: Uh huh… INTERVIEWER: And they meet at, let’s say, a tropical resort. They have some drinks at the bar and get to know each other. TRISH O’MAHEW: Yeah. All right. INTERVIEWER: One thing leads to another and they’re back at their room. They start kissing and taking off their clothes. TRISH O’MAHEW: I really think you don’t get this. INTERVIEWER: Hold on, just let me tell you the WHOLE scenario. TRISH O’MAHEW: O.K. Go ahead. INTERVIEWER: And there’s this guy, Brent, who they talked to before. And he’s in the closet, just watching. TRISH O’MAHEW: I’m going to say this one more time. This is not about sex. INTERVIEWER: Whether Brent participates is kind of a game time decision that they all make together. TRISH O’MAHEW: Is your name Brent? INTERVIEWER: I don’t think that’s relevant. TRISH O’MAHEW: I think you’re confusing “girl on girl” with “girls’ girl.” INTERVIEWER: Is that what it is? TRISH O’MAHEW: Yeah, I’m pretty sure. INTERVIEWER: Then what are we even talking about? TRISH O’MAHEW: Women who support each other. Non sexually. INTERVIEWER: Oh. TRISH O’MAHEW: Brent? INTERVIEWER: Yeah? TRISH O’MAHEW: You look kind of ill. Are you all right? INTERVIEWER: I don’t know. I feel weird. TRISH O’MAHEW: Maybe you should take a break. INTERVIEWER: I think I’m gonna be sick. TRISH O’MAHEW: (To someone else) Is he O.K.? INTERVIEWER: I’m sorry. That was unprofessional. TRISH O’MAHEW: It’s fine. INTERVIEWER: One more question. I’m going to get this back on track. TRISH O’MAHEW: Sure. INTERVIEWER: What’s a man’s man? TRISH O’MAHEW: It’s where two guys have sex with each other. INTERVIEWER: That’s what I thought. TRISH O’MAHEW: Are we done? INTERVIEWER: Yeah. I guess so.  My name is Ed Mountaineer and I hereby offer my soul to Corporate America if they will accept it. I pledge to talk about, reference, and draw all conversation I have in the future to advertise and support products or services for whoever pays me. Let me give you some example scenarios below. SCENARIO ONE: TACO TRIUMPH. Let’s say Taco Bell gives me an exclusive contract to be their on the ground ambassador and mouthpiece. Every conversation I enter into for the extent of our contract will have to mention Taco Bell favorably in some way. See the following possible interaction: MY BOSS: Hi, Ed. Looks like you’re late for work today. ME: Sorry. I was at Taco Bell and the line was a little long because everyone is so excited about the new breakfast menu. MY BOSS: That’s not a good excuse for being late, Ed. ME: I should mention that even though the line was long, it went really fast, because the Taco Bell crew members work as a team and efficiently deliver your order to you in no time. SCENARIO TWO: TOURIST TRAP. Pick a country. Any crappy country. Now imagine their tourism industry explode because someone like me is spending all his time talking about how awesome it is to visit. Cue interaction: BRENDA (Woman at work I can’t stand): Hey, Ed. It looks like you didn’t do any of the reports I asked you to complete. Did you forget? ME: Oh, I guess I did. I’ve been dreaming a lot lately of traveling to Azerbaijan. Did you know how easy it is to get a visa to go there? You can do it online. BRENDA: We have a meeting in five minutes, Ed. You were supposed to do these reports, and… ME: One of the coolest places in Azerbaijan is Zorge park, with a huge monument to the super spy, Richard Zorge. BRENDA (Fumbling through the meaningless papers for her presentation): Maybe we can talk about this later, Ed. I’m really upset with you. ME: Zorge was a hero, Brenda. He fucked up Hitler. Doesn’t that matter to you? BRENDA: What’s going on with you, Ed? ME: I guess you love Hitler, Brenda. Hey, everyone. Brenda thinks Hitler is great! BRENDA: Stop shouting. Please… ME: Will you look at the travel Azerbaijan Website with me? BRENDA (Finally giving into the charms and allure of Azerbaijan): Sure. Whatever. Just stop. SCENARIO THREE: AMAZON WARRIOR. Yes, Amazon is a huge company, and why would they need any help from little old me? Answer: until Amazon can dominate every aspect of our lives, they aren’t living up to their potential. Enter me. Now check out what I could do, below: ME: Thanks for inviting me to your barbeque, Mike Amazon. MIKE: Sure… Did you just call me Mike Amazon? ME: Where did you get this food and all the other shit? MIKE: Other shit? ME: I’m just saying, you could have ordered all this from Amazon. And it would have been better than the shit you have. MIKE: You don’t like the food? ME: I don’t like anything that didn’t come from Amazon. MIKE (Confused but beginning to understand how great Amazon is): Well, nice to see you, Ed. I’m going to talk to some of the other guests now. ME: No problem. Just admit that Amazon is the best and kneel before them or him or whatever they are! MIKE: Please let go of me. Anyway, you get the picture, Corporate America. So please get your offers into me as soon as possible at [email protected]. And please remember this is kind of a first come first served thing. I can’t do Burger King and McDonalds at the same time, okay? |
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