It was only a matter of time before corporations paid writers to produce children’s books that were sympathetic to their world-view, and in recent years several authors have quietly written several books that are considered corporate kids and young adult fiction masterpieces.
The Intergalactic Business Report read them all and gives you summaries. Enjoy.
Red Rover, Don’t Come Over, by Steve Droodle. Communist villain Brett Ruben has designed a robot dog who teaches neighborhood children Marxist principles by redistributing their candy and having all races and games end in a tie. When parents find out, they are terrified but fear it may be too late because Red Rover has been working on the kids so long that they are beginning to espouse ideas about workers’ rights and nationalization of businesses. Steve Droodle (the name of both the author and the hero) must fight Red Rover, defeat him, and then humiliate and publicly execute Brett Ruben, showing the children that communism doesn’t pay off in the end.
The Adventures of Junior Detective Eddie Freeland, book one: The case of the Old Lunch Lady. This series features ten-year-old Eddie Freeland, who solves mysteries at his elementary school. In book one, Eddie tackles the problem of the cafeteria food being served too slowly. It’s a true mystery till Eddie finds out that the lunch lady is past the retirement age even though she keeps working. Will Eddie be able to convince the principal to phase her out and hire a younger lunch lady who is not benefits-eligible? And will evil lawyer Wayne Trotsky step in with an age discrimination lawsuit designed to hamper the school’s growth?
Anna and the Troll Boys, by Hakeem Allerday. Anna is a bright and beautiful high school student who aspires to go to college at a fictional university where there are no hippies. Unfortunately, a group of young men nicknamed the Troll Boys tempt her into wearing tie dyes and riding around with them in a bio diesel bus. Will Anna get her shit together and contribute to society, or will she wallow in the Troll Boys’ world of permanent adolescence and total bullshit?
The Year They Cancelled Prom, by Brooke Dehanerford. In this sequel to “The year they cancelled the football team,” exiled Guevara High School cheerleader Daria Van Storm must fight the administration to keep prom from being cancelled along with all the other traditional American activities that villainous Vice-Principal Alan Mitterrand has systematically eliminated.
Puppies and Poopies by Father Michael Aurelio. This picture book for ages 2-6 is about a farm where some puppies work all day and others, called poopies, just lie around. Although farmer Freeman doesn’t want to do it, the poopies force his hand with their laziness and he has to “phase them out” of the farm. When they’re finally gone, the remaining, hard-working puppies get a pay cut and are asked to work extra hours.
Lay-off Larry and the Golden Parachute, by Bing Deralius. This entry from the popular Lay-off Larry series, centers around magic schoolboy Larry Gompers, who has the supernatural ability to lay off workers anywhere in the world and at any range. Because of his powerful gifts, he is taken to a special school in another dimension, where he is taught to hone his skills so that one day he may be able to lay off all the workers on the planet and replace them with unskilled laborers from other universes. But in the meantime, Larry must go on a quest for the mythical Golden Parachute, a magical object made of gold thread, which allows CEOs to bail out of companies while taking all of their and everyone else’s money with them. Will little Larry fulfill this quest, or will the evil demon Socialist Lou and his zombie brigades of union thugs annihilate him first?
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