Editorial: On Halloween Day let’s remember what this holiday is really about.

​Amid the commercialization of Halloween, we often forget the true meaning of a holiday that brings millions of people together through the exchange of candy, the creativity of costumes, and the trust we put in our friends and neighbors to not poison our children. 
 
“Big Halloween” has stolen the innocence of a day in October when children once made their own crappy costumes and roamed their local streets carrying pillowcases to hold a bounty of singly wrapped butter scotches, weirdly shaped Mounds bars, and tiny tootsie rolls. Today, fueled by pop up Spirit Halloween shops and “fun sized” candy bars, a cold, multi-national conglomerate of money-churning ghouls has subverted wholesome fun in favor of profit and conformity.
 
One bright spot has been the slutty outfits worn by hot parents and single women who have one magic night to act like a hooker. Go back thirty or forty years, and this kind of action was hard to find. Harder still, were not penises. Because there was nothing to harden them as there is today. You get it.
 
How do we fight against the all-consuming consumerism of Halloween as it creeps up upon us again today? How do we explain to a younger generation that there was a time when the joy of a brisk fall night and running around the neighborhood with your friends was the true reward and not the logistics of having the perfect outfit, the perfect display of skeletons moaning, and the perfect dish of candy, laid out perfectly for the perfect little children who have no respect for the work you put in as you hide in a nearby bush, dressed as one of the guys from Milli Vanilli (although they wouldn’t GET that) and you tell yourself only to jump out if one of those fuckers takes more than two pieces because that’s what the fucking sign says? How?
 
How do we explain that in our day women didn’t even think of wearing slutty outfits and if they did it was because they ALREADY were hookers and they were kind of dressing for work? How do we tell them there were no pre-made sexy kitty cat or skanky nurse costumes available to anyone? If you were a skanky nurse, you were ACTUALLY a skanky nurse. If you were a sexy kitty you were an ACTUAL cat, and if people found you sexy, then they were into having sex with animals. It was sick back then. 
 
Here's a terrible idea. Let’s start handing out hot beef sandwiches to kids this Halloween. Or is it a great idea? We don’t even know anymore. 
 
In the end, your Halloween celebration is up to you. If you want it to be cold and driven by internet trends, then that’s your choice. But if you are attractive and want to dress up like an incredibly slutty version of yourself then do that too. Don’t hold back. In fact, use the internet and social media to display pictures of you dressed up as an incredibly slutty version of yourself. 

We’re done writing now. Goodbye.
 
-The editorial staff. 

ibrmerch