Love letters to other versions of myself. By Ed Mountaineer.

Taking inspiration from Real Housewife Monique Samuels, Ed Mountaineer goes on a journey of self-reflection and growth by writing love letters to himself. 
 
I’m not usually the guy who’s into self-help, self-care, and self-reflection, but there was something about Real Housewives of Potomac’s Monique Samuels that made me pay attention when she came out with a book about how to find personal growth through writing love letters to yourself. 
 
The book, available at Barnes and Nobles and on Monique’s website, advertises itself as “A memoir of self-discovery, transformation and healing,” and explains that “Through shadow work and truths revealed through experience, Monique helps readers confront the patterns keeping them stuck in toxic cycles and gently guides them toward deep self-compassion and soul level forgiveness.”
 
Apparently, if you write yourself love letters, you can grow as a person as you affirm yourself, make peace with your past, accept who you are, and celebrate all that. Also, you’re supposed to write the letters from the perspective of different “versions” of yourself, from different times in your life. I tried it and the results are amazing. 
 
Below, I have included three of the letters I wrote. I hope you enjoy them but if you don’t, it doesn’t matter because this is my journey.
 
 
Three love letters to myself (from different versions of me). By Ed Mountaineer.
 

Love letter one (to my teenage self):
 
Dear Teenage Ed:
 
Why are you whacking off so much? It’s super weird to do it that often, don’t you think? Anyway, I just thought I’d check in and say hi because I LOVE you and I want to be there for you as you get through these really difficult years where all you do is beat your meat and do super embarrassing stuff that will make you wake up in the middle of the night when you’re older and wonder why you did it. I guess I’m here to tell you there’s absolutely nothing you can do to take any of it back, unless you get this before you decide to do that breakdancing thing at the talent show. If you haven’t done that yet, DON’T. Also, you call your teacher “mom” and you’re sixteen so it’s extra weird. Have you done THAT yet? 
 
Anyhoo… Keep your dick in your pants,
 
Ed. 
 

Love letter two (to my college self):
 
Hey Ed.
 
What up brah! You getting’ paid and laid? No? Maybe that’s because girls don’t like you and you don’t have a job. I’ll write again when you get your shit together.
 
Take it sleazy,
 
Ed. 
 

Love letter three (to me ten years ago):
 
Dear Ed,
 
Seriously, what the fuck are you doing? It’s me from ten years in the future and all I can say is that you’re totally fucking up my life with all the dumbass decisions you’re making. If you can invest a shitload of money in this company called Nvidia that would be COOL. Do it. Now. Oh, that’s right. You don’t have any money. Jesus. What the fuck are you even doing right now? 
 
Hold up. I just wanna say I LOVE YOU. Do you feel that? If you do, then make some decisions that aren’t dumb as shit and make some fucking money, so I’m not broke right now. I’m sitting here waiting and nothing’s changing so obviously you aren’t doing shit. I’m still waiting. How the fuck does this work, anyway, Monique? Can you get me some tech support on this or something?
 
True love always,
 
Ed.
 

Ed Mountaineer is an opinion columnist for the Intergalactic Business Report. He was hired after we encountered him at a Taco Bell. He can be reached at [email protected]. If you would like to hire Ed, please see his résumé here.

tee shirts from other versions of yourself