New IBR show “Love on the Grid” is breakthrough t.v.

"The building offers us everything we need."

​Discovery show “Love off the grid” features couples trying to make it when one of them is an agoraphobic shut-in who uses the excuse of really loving nature to lure a mate into isolation and an eternal existence with his or her captor/lover. Each episode is like the first act of a Lifetime horror movie, replete with eerie reaction shots from the hermetic tinder swipe gone wrong as she questions why her hostage would ever want to leave her murder house in the middle of nowhere. 
 
IBR productions, the entertainment extension of the Intergalactic Business Report, now offers what many naysayers will call a “rip off” or “ill-conceived” mirror image of “love off the grid,” the title of which we conjured by changing one word. Yes, there are similarities. Our series also features lunatics with an unsettling devotion to place, but instead of being in the middle of nowhere, our would-be long term relationshipers dwell in hot smelly cities. Let’s introduce to you our cast for season one:
 
Brian Soplovich.
Brian lives in a duplex in Chicago. When he’s not fighting people for a parking spot in front of his house he calls “dibs,” he’s arguing with Nora, his beloved partner who moved there to be with him because he captivated her with tales of pizza and hot dogs with no ketchup. Now she’s cooking ramen while he yells at his Chinese neighbor.
 
Jimmy O’Toole. 
Jimmy is from Boston. This masshole gets fidgety when he leaves the confines of his neighborhood where he is like the mayor, except he isn’t. Becky, his paramour from Iowa, arrives with hope in her heart, which is slowly crushed by Jimmy’s endless stories about the Bruins, Redsox, Patriots, and Celtics that usually end with the proclamation, “Well, dat’s Boston for ya. Bazoomba!” (Spoiler: Jimmy’s not really from Boston, making this all kinds of more fucked up.)
 
Leslie Gluckman.
Leslie lives in an upper west side building where she has really good delivery service. Ronnie is the man who met her online and now lives with her in her 700 square foot apartment. Ronnie thinks the take-out food is great, but he’d like to eat at one of the various restaurants outside the building. Leslie freaks out when he says this because she thought he came there to live with her, in the “building.” “I love the building,” Ronnie insists. “I just want to go outside.” Leslie just responds with, “the building offers us everything we need.” Yes, Leslie murders him eventually and production stops. 
 
Sam Goorleyneck.
Sam is on disability in the suburbs of Denver. Didn’t fight in a war. Just became disabled when he hit 479 pounds and broke his hip trying to mount a scooter at a Walmart. Tiffany, a waitress from Caledonia, New York, is his new caretaker/lover. When she leaves Sam’s house using the excuse of going to buy him more hot pockets, Sam checks the massive freezer and sees that not only are there ample amounts of the frozen delicacy that’s hot when cooked in a pocket, but there are also pizza rolls for days and even months. In a fury, he calls to his trusty steed, which is a hoveround with bumper stickers on it, and pursues Tiffany as she drives away. This alone is worth watching the entire season. 
 
Phil Ratuliak.
Phil is on a cul-de-sac in a housing development outside Dallas. Phil don’t like it when people knock on his door and bovver him. Until… Sandy, the pleasant if a little mentally challenged (but not so much she can’t make her own decisions) girl from Alaska shows up to be his companion. Sandy is allowed to explore the cul-de-sac without Phil, and she believes what he has taught her—that what lies beyond is pure evil. When she sees kids on a playground just outside the imagined barrier, she begins to question Phil’s teachings. Uh oh. Phil’s not gonna like dat. 
 
Ryan Reynolds.
By far the most intriguing character on the show, mostly because he has in no way agreed to do it, Reynolds lives in a Canadian mansion he can’t leave because he’s so fucking famous he’ll get mobbed by fans if he goes grocery shopping. When he’s not whisked away to make crappy movies, he is isolated in his home alone until he tricks a young actress, Blake Lively, to live with him. Then the horror show begins as he teaches her to ice fish in his man-made pond and she wakes up each morning to self-deprecating humor and cutesy remarks that are meant to be endearing but instead chill her as if she’s just entered a meat freezer (which he has too, just so he doesn’t have to leave to go shopping for meat. Makes sense, if you can afford it).

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