Tired of watching the same old movies where two people fall in love at Christmas but never have sex? The Intergalactic Business Report introduces its favorite movies that are sure to put you into the holiday spirit. Especially if “holiday spirit” means full on boner. Here’s what you need to be watching from now till the 25th.
Christmas in My Pants. Premieres December 16.
SUMMARY: Jody’s life as a high-powered PR executive doesn’t give her a lot of time for Christmas, until she figures out that her vagina can talk. Will her sassy new friend convince her to stop working so hard and start paying more attention to what’s been right there under her nose (and belly button) all along?
Bootycarol. Premieres December 18
SUMMARY: Robert can’t stand Christmas caroling, till he meets Franklin Benefacio Demoral, a traveling opera singer with the power to undress anyone he sings to. When Franklin invites him to accompany him door to door Christmas Eve caroling, Robert is more than game. Especially since the caroling route goes right down sorority row!
Rudolph’s Shiny New Penis. Premiers December 20.
SUMMARY: In this animated special, Rudolph’s nose shorts out, probably because of off season cocaine use. But with the help of magic fairy Snowtights, he gains a whole new glow… From his penis!
Christmas in Your Mom’s Butt. Premiered around 1979.
SUMMARY: Everybody’s coming.
A Princely Penis. Premieres December 22.
SUMMARY: Lord Duffingmeat the Third faces a preposterous dilemma as his tiny European Principality will lose its autonomy on Christmas day unless he can make his penis grow three inches to meet the requirement of an ancient deadline for his royal line. Will it be a Swedish penis pump or enhancement surgery? Or, will it be a third option that arises when a beautiful young American sex therapist arrives and claims she can make his dick grow by making him hornier than he’s ever been? Impossible? Whip yours out and watch on December 22.
Ninja Orgy Three: the Christmassing. Premieres Christmas Eve.
SUMMARY: In need of a new time slot, Ninja Orgy Three takes a slightly new direction and is now a Christmas movie and not just about ninjas having sex for two and a half hours.
It’s Christmas. You’re stuck here. We Might as Well Have Sex. Premieres Christmas Day.
SUMMARY: Sandra Effingham has never liked Christmas and can’t wait for the season to be over. Then, in late December, her company plane gets grounded in Mountainville, an idyllic town known for its elaborate Christmas celebrations. Finding the last room at the bed and breakfast, she hopes to work quietly in her room till the snow lets up. But the pretty good-looking landlord suggests they have sex instead. As they pork for several days straight, the townspeople outside do Christmas stuff.
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