Streaming services now responsible for more fictional child deaths and kidnappings than any other source.

Hollywood writers have reached a point at which the only way they can formulate a plot is to include the death or kidnapping of children. Gone are the days when adult characters simply got cancer or died in a war. Now, for anyone to have an emotional pulse, he must have suffered the loss of his progeny or at least their kidnapping.  
 
Series like All Her Fault, His and Hers, and The Beast in Me, all rely heavily on child abductions and death to maintain any semblance of a plot. See below:
 
All Her Fault: Son is kidnapped and possibly dead. Things will never be the same.
 
His and Hers: Jon Bernthal’s daughter died of SIDS. He and his wife have never been the same.
 
The Beast in Me: Claire Dane’s child is killed in a car crash. She’s never been the same. 
 
Untamed: Eric Bana’s son is dead. He’s never been the same.
 
Task: Mark Rufallo’s child died. He’s never been the same. 
 
Severance: Adam Scott’s child died in a miscarriage. That made him do the whole “severance” thing. 
 
Fictional or not, the slaughter needs to end. And these are just a few examples of the mayhem wrought by writers who sacrifice kids so they can infuse their protagonists with dark energy and an edge. Today we make a plea to anyone involved with writing, greenlighting, or producing new streaming series: Stop the killing. Use your imaginations to come up with something more original than a dead child. 
 
This doesn’t mean we’re advocating for the killing of someone or something else—dogs or other cute animals for instance. Please don’t. We’ll even look the other way when you do the “one month earlier” thing. That sucks, but we’ll allow it if it means saving one kid from death or abduction. 
 
In a futile attempt to save future fictional children, we do your jobs for you and redo your plots so no kids are involved. 
 
Plots of streaming shows if they didn’t rely on child deaths to motivate their characters.
 
The Beast in Me. 
Writer Aggie Wiggs and her wife Shelley move in near psychopath billionaire Nile Jarvis. Same basic plot only the marriage isn’t over and they are childless. But not because one died. They just don’t have any kids. Niles still kills people, but just not the guy Aggie blames for her kid’s death, because she doesn’t have kids, so Niles has to find another reason to kill people. And he does, because he’s a serial killer and they don’t need a lot of reasons. 
 
Task.
Tortured FBI agent Tom Brandis investigates a series of robberies. He has two kids. Both of them are alive. 
 
Severance.
Mark Scout entered the severance program and now has two completely different lives—one where he’s at work and one where he’s not. He thinks his wife died in a car crash but maybe she didn’t. Something for sure that didn’t happen: a miscarriage. 
 
Untamed.
Eric Bana keeps having conversations with a skanky woman who gave him syphilis. It’s like she’s there and we can’t tell if he’s actually interacting with her or if it’s all just a hallucination. Later it’s revealed that the woman died (of syphilis) and it’s all just in his head. One thing that’s not a figment of his imagination is that the syphilis made it impossible for him to have children. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, he can go on to solve murders in the forest or whatever. 
 
His and Hers: 
Jon Bernthal and his estranged wife, Tessa Thompson, both try to solve a murder and suspect each other of the crime. He’s a small-town detective. She’s a reporter. They’re both from the same small town but nobody seems to know that? And the people who keep getting killed were Tessa’s best friends in high school. But nobody seems to know that? It’s like nobody in the small town where she grew up even know she’s from there? She holds a fucking press conference and talks about all the murders and nobody in the whole fucking auditorium even says to her, “Weren’t those people your best friends, from the school you went to, and didn’t you grow up here?” Also, she and Jon Bernthal’s character never had kids. 
 
All Her Fault: 
Wealth manager Marissa Irvine and her fucked up husband Peter live in a mansion in Chicago’s North Shore suburbs.  Michael Peña is a Chicago cop and they’re totally out of his jurisdiction because they don’t live in Chicago. Marissa and her husband also have a son named Milo. And Marissa’s disabled brother-in-law Brian lives in a guest house on their property. Brian goes missing after he boards a mysterious party bus that picked him up one afternoon. They report him missing and some police show up, but not Michael Peña because he’s busy doing shit in Chicago and would never show up to the suburbs because why would he? Marissa must figure out what the fuck happened to Brian, who, it turns out, might actually not be brothers with Peter and was kidnapped by his REAL brother, Michael Peña, who’s a cop in Chicago. So much better, right?

Tees where no one dies or is kidnapped