The best parenting hack is being rich? We explore why.

According to the Atlantic, being wealthy enhances your parenting skills like nothing else. Apparently, access to money and all it affords can create a home environment in which it’s easier to nurture, raise, and teach your kids. Who knew? 
 
Full disclosure: we didn’t read the article, because we feel the headline says it all. Below we explore all the reasons money matters most when you want to parent well.
 
11 ways money makes parenting easier.
 
1. If your kids kill someone (for instance the butler) you can blame the gardener. * 

2. When you get in trouble, you can always say, “Who are you going to believe? This gardener who’s probably here illegally? Or me? An upstanding member of this community?” 

3. When you have an affair, you don’t have to break up your family, because the maid lives on the premises.  

4. Temper tantrums and blaming their parents are diminished as your children will always feign respect for you as long as you hold their inheritance in the balance.  

5. If you kill the butler and the maid, you can pose the bodies so it’s a double suicide, and who’s everybody going to believe anyway? The illegal gardener who saw you do it? (See number two, above). 

6. Life lessons can be learned by your kids through watching unsanctioned and illegal “servant fights,” which are always won by Big Maxine. Lesson: Big Maxine always wins.  

7. A $57,000 4th birthday party can teach your children that not only does money not buy happiness but also that it’s irrelevant. How freeing.  

8. A $57,000 4th birthday party for you because you never had a 4th birthday party but also because maybe you did but you don’t remember it so it wasn’t enjoyable so now you’re doing it as an adult, teaches your kids to appreciate special moments and live with passion and intention.  

9. Threatening to feed servants to the dogs develops an understanding in your children about the power of unconditional love that dogs have for us, provided you feed them servants once in a while.  

10. If a nanny steals, you can afford it, unlike poor people, who become nannies and steal from people like you and then are fed to the dogs. It’s the circle of life. 

​11. You can afford to hire and then put on trial any live action children’s show actor whose performance displeases your offspring. Of course, you can feed him/her to the dogs but give your child the chance to come up with his own punishment/execution. You may be surprised by the creative decisions made—for example, drowning the guy from “Blues Clues” in a pool of blue liquid or putting the dude from “Yo Gabba Gabba” in front of a firing squad whose rifles shoot deadly French fries.** 
 
*If the gardener is already in jail, blame the maid, the chauffeur, and so on. 
**We’re being told these characters are not current and are likely already dead at the hands of a rogue gardener who murdered them in 2006 and 2015. 

Tees that make parenting harder.