The scariest horror movie you’ve never heard of, according to science.

Not a still from the scariest movie ever that you've never heard of.

The Intergalactic Business Report started with a simple question: What is the scariest horror movie ever made that you’ve never heard of? Using science, we reached into data, film history, and science to find the solution. We answer the most common questions about the scariest movie ever (that you’ve never heard of).
 
How scary is the movie? 
It’s scary. It is perhaps, no, definitely, the scariest movie ever. It is. It really is. It makes other scary movies look almost unscary. Maybe the best analogy would be if you ate a stick and thought it tasted pretty good and then someone handed you a piece of cheesecake and you were like, “Why did I eat that stick? It’s not even food.”
 
Are you sure I’ve never heard of it?
No one you know has ever seen it. You for sure haven’t. People who know people you know have never seen it either. 
 
What’s the plot?
The plot is something you also don’t know and can’t guess. It’s not like one of those movies where you watch it and say, “Oh, yeah, that’s just like in that other movie I saw…” That won’t happen. If you ever see it. (See below).
 
How can I see this movie? 
You probably won’t ever see it. It’s super hard to watch a movie you’ve never heard of and that no one you know has ever heard of. How would you find out about it? 
 
How can I find the movie?
You can’t. Where would you even start looking?
 
How scary is it again?
Super. So scary. You wouldn’t even believe it.
 
Can I get it on DVD or VHS or Blu-Ray?
No.
 
Who’s in the movie? What actors?
It’s impossible to say because you haven’t seen it. If you did see it, you might recognize an actor and say, “Oh, I know him. He’s from…” But you won’t because you can’t see the movie.
 
What’s the title of the movie?
This is what makes it so hard to find anywhere (at least one of the reasons). You don’t even know what it’s called. 
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Why am I reading this?
Because you believe in science and enjoy reading scientific explanations of things. Which this is.
 
Are the people writing this mentally ill or something?
Is drunk mentally ill?
 
Is this supposed to be funny or something?
Is science funny?
 
Did you even try to think of something to write about that wasn’t so fucking stupid?
No.

If you thought this was stupid...