The Valley’s Danny Darko is “Drunk Sisyphus.” A special Drunk People Awareness Month honor.

It's no myth. Danny Booko is sentenced to a life of servile apologies.

As part of Drunk People Awareness Month, the Intergalactic Business Report honors the Valley’s Danny Booko by bestowing upon him the title of “Drunk Sisyphus.” 

We’ll explain:

Booko, whose alter ego Danny Darko comes out when he drinks, spent season two of Bravo’s “The Valley” defending his drunken behavior. Horrified friends sat, horrified, as Booko asked one of them to “get daddy a drink” and grazed another’s butt cheek. No, this wasn’t just something your grandfather does at every restaurant he eats in. This was a reality show person. On television. Drinking. And misbehaving. Let that sink in for a minute. 

In-control-of-their-drinking Valley couple Jason and Janet jumped to the defense of defiled on-again off-again lesbian Jasmine, who, following the incident, enrolled Danny in a high interest contrition account in which he’s required to apologize again and again but never pay off his debt completely, thus having to say sorry to her for the rest of his life, making Danny the first ever Drunk Sisyphus. 

Like the original Sisyphus, who had to roll a boulder up a hill each day only to do it again the next, Danny Booko must apologize to Jasmine each episode of “The Valley,” only to find out the next episode that his apology wasn’t totally accepted because it felt weird or insincere at which point he must do his best to offer his most sincere and non-weird  condolences for his existence as someone who said and did something stupid but not deadly, dangerous, illegal, or lifechanging (except in the sense that he has to apologize to Jasmine for eternity) and must now pay an infinite price. 

Jasmine, who as a heterosexual tried to choke out terrified Bachelor Nick Viall as part of her sex fantasy, explained to Booko that he couldn’t understand the hardships that lesbians like her undergo because straight men don’t take lesbian relationships seriously. Especially lesbian relationships in which one of the lesbians was a straight woman trying to choke out the bachelor as part of her sex fantasy just a little while ago. 

Danny Darko’s misdeeds didn’t end at the butt-pinching incident of course. He also got drunk several other times at events where everyone was drinking. At one point, he did a shot of tequila in an area away from his wife. This led other drunks to believe he was “hiding” something from her. Later, the same day, Danny took a nap, which, if you’re drunk, is known as “passing out” or “blacking out.” 

Even without the Drunk Sisyphus honor, Danny Booko has achieved the venerated status of drunk guy in a room full of drunks who is called out for being slightly more drunk than all the other drunks, making his drunk achievements even more impressive. 
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Thank you, Danny Booko. Needless to say, the Intergalactic Business Report issues a standing invitation to join us for drinks, call yourself daddy, and touch our butts. It’s what drunk people do and it’s what makes America great. 

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