Hotels are where you go when you need to sleep somewhere and decide to pay money to do it on someone’s stained semen after you watch pay per view porn.
But which semen-stained bed should you choose? The Intergalactic Business Report helps you decide by showing you the hidden brand messages behind each of these chains:
Marriott: It’s hotter to watch porn in a Mormon hotel.
Super 8: The word “suppurate” means to produce puss. We’re not even making that one up.
Holiday Inn: “Ho Inn” for short.
Ritz Carlton: Rich people’s jizz is better than Motel 6 jizz.
Sofitel: We say, “Bon jour” when you arrive. Now let’s speak English.
Red Roof Inn: The finest of the “murder hotels.”
Best Western: When your options are us or Jeff’s back seat.
Motel 6: We’ll keep the light on for you so you can see the face of the guy who’s murdering you.
Comfort Inn: Are you “comfortable” sleeping on someone’s jizz stains?