Rental cars. You get them when you’re tired of your own car or maybe just don’t want hookers to leave their scent on your upholstery. But which hooker smell preventing company should you choose? This week, the Intergalactic Business Report goes behind the major brands to tell you what they’re really saying…
Hertz: It hertz to smell so much vomit in our cars.
National: What the Nazis would name their rental car company if they decided to do that instead of trying to take over the world and kill people.
Alamo: Remember the Alamo? You know. Where a bunch of people went there thinking it was a good idea and then found out they were trapped? That’s us.
Avis: For those who want number two, in their back seat.
Sixt: Dis is dah sixt time someone asked us why we have dis stupid name.
Budget: Founded in 1958 by Morris Mirkin. A merkin is a pubic hair toupee. Look it up.
Thrifty: Hey Macklemore can we rent a car from Thrifty? What? What? What? Nope. End of song.
Enterprise: Trying hard to make you think we’re actually an escort service. We send you broke twenty-somethings who are just doing this to pay back student loans and you ask them to have sex with you, right?
Dollar: No I won’t suck your dick, I mean rent your car, for a dollar, Phil!