12 phrases that make you sound less intelligent than you (probably) are.

You’re not a psychology expert, or even very “socially aware,” and yet you do need to talk with people to get food, hold a job, and maybe some other things. You notice “cool” people holding effortless conversations and charming others with their flirtatious agreeableness. Oh, how you wish you could do that—could be them. Today, that changes (a little). 
 
While we can’t turn you into a social dynamo with a short article in a publication no one reads, we can at least let you know what you’re doing wrong. Every day, and in every human interaction, you use language that simply turns people off, makes you sound uneducated, and may even scare them. We identify these faux paus and give you the opportunity to eliminate them from your personal usage. 
 
We focus on 12 phrases you use too often, and that have a negative effect on how you present yourself. Stop using these and you will see an immediate change in how people react to you.  
 
12 phrases that make you sound less intelligent. Stop using them TODAY.
 
1. “UNNNGggggh. Yeah. UnggggHHHHH!”  

2. “Mah name is ______. Me crush you.” 

3. “AHHHHHHHH! Yuh huh. AHHHHHHHHHHH!” 

4. “Fart make me stronger! PFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTT…” 

5. “ABABABABABABABABAH! BAH!” 

6. Dear ladies and good sirs, gather round as I present to you the Earl of Pantaloons, also known as my penis.  

7. “BLAM! BLAM BLAM BLAM! BLAM!” 

8. ****Rocket noise**** “Time for take off!” ****Rocket noise**** 

9. “Splat!” “SPLAT!” (Said while touching people’s faces.) 

10. “Call me the juggler! Call me THE JUGGLER! CALL ME THE JUGGLER!”  

11. (Whisper voice) Did you hear that? Did you hear that? (Fart noise). 

​12. Pleased to meet you. Hope you guess my name. (This is your intro before doing an entire, impromptu, acapella “Stones” concert, from which no audience member may leave until the cops arrive and you get tazed.)

Tees you need to stop wearing.