Defense lawyer tells you what to NEVER say to a cop when you’re pulled over.

Even if you did drink Hulk Juice, you are still responsible for your actions.

Before automobiles, drunk driving was just a challenge riders took on a sentient horse. Today, it’s seen as a despicable act warranting shame and imprisonment. In fact, one of the most terrifying situations one can face is being pulled over by a suspicious cop who starts asking too many questions about your sobriety. You feel trapped and nervous as he seems to look right through your lies. You stutter and stammer and pray that he will get a radio call that there’s a hostage situation at a monastery, drawing him away from the scene, but not before he says to you: “This is your lucky day.”
 
Unfortunately, that last part never actually happens. Instead, you get interrogated and submit to “tests” designed for your failure. You suck on a breathalyzer and recite the alphabet backwards for about two letters before he throws you in the back of his car and your life is over. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
 
We spoke directly with a defense lawyer* who gave us tips for what NOT to do when you’ve been drinking and are pulled over. Follow these and stay free, safe, and not sexually assaulted by prisoners.
 
Nine things NEVER to say if you are pulled over for suspicion of drunk driving.
 
1. ‘Scuse me miss, can you get me annover drink? 

2. I must warn you sir, that I drank Hulk juice this morning and I may explode in rage at any moment. I cannot be held responsible for my actions in five, four, three, two… 

3. Do I smell fritattas? Nope, That’s your B.O. Please stand back. 

4. I’m an undercover cop. Now YOU’RE arrested.  

5. No, I will not suck your dick for a dollar! Did everyone hear this guy? This guy just asked me if I’d suck his dick! For a dollar! 

6. I think your wife is in my trunk. You may want to check on her.  

7. Psst. I think you have an erection.  

8. Human trafficking? What?  

9. O.K. Fine. I’ll suck your dick for a dollar.  
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*Just because someone says he’s a defense lawyer, doesn’t mean he is. He could also just be some guy who might not have even said he’s a lawyer but it’s hard to remember because there were a lot of drinks and it was over a three day period and there were times when you thought to yourself, “Have I been up for like three days? Because I must have taken some kind of drugs to be awake this long.”  

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