Six most commonly forgotten items when packing for a vacation.

You’ve just arrived at a resort in Mexico and made it there without having your bus hijacked by the cartel and being murdered on the side of the highway after being yelled at by people wearing freaky skull face masks who seem really really angry and need information immediately only you can’t give it to them because you don’t speak Spanish and even if you did you have a pretty good feeling they’d murder you anyway. 
 
Is it time for a Margarita and a rub down? Hell yes. But then you look through your luggage and notice you’ve left behind crucial items whose absence has now ruined your vacation. How could you forget them again? We don’t know you but the odds are you have early onset dementia or a forehead the size of a shovel. Whatever the case, this is your final reminder. Make a list of the things below, and never fuck this up again.
 
 
Six items NOT to forget the next time you pack your suitcase.
 
1. Three-pronged dildo with electric shock defuser. 

2. Amulet of protection versus rabies.  

3. Realistic mask of the person you want to look like/be.  

4. Voice changer so the carry out food guy won’t know it’s you every single time. 

5. List of directives from General Santos.  

​6. Penis soap.

embarrass yourself