Waitresses, flight attendants, and professional cheerleaders tell us what to do if you really want their attention (and a date).

Cynthia, flight attendant:
“If I seat you on an airplane and you’re wearing a tee shirt that says something hilarious like: ‘My Goal: Your hole,’ I’m in. And so are you.” (Available at ibrmerch.com).
 
Trish, cheerleader:
“When I think a guy is cute I’ll do this thing where I smile and look super enthusiastic. I know, I’m a professional cheerleader, and I’m paid to do that, but it’s slightly different than when I’m just doing my regular smiling and cheering. If you know, you know.”
 
Delores, waitress:
“If a guy writes on his bill, ‘You’ve been a very bad girl. You get NO tip,’ I’m in. It’s such a power move and I love it.”

Brandy, cocktail waitress:
“I like it when a guy pretends he’s someone else. Like a fictional character from a sci-fi movie. Something about it takes me away to another world where I can be anything I want. If a dude comes up to me and says, ‘Vraktor! Gee fulla dip!’ and starts shaking like he’s a robot or something, I will follow him anywhere.”
 
Fanny, amateur garbage collector:
“I’ll suck your dick!”
 
Hyacinch, model:
“If a guy dresses up like a child, there’s something about it that makes me excited. I don’t mean like a baby. I mean, super bright colors, weird shoes, shit with Thomas the Tank Engine. I’m so horny just thinking about it. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to date you if you have a serious disability, or you have the MIND of a child. I just want you to act like you have a serious disability and the mind of a child—and dress the part.”
 
Sandra, hot customs official:
“Offer me drugs. Good drugs. I’m a sucker for that.”
 
Lois, cheerleader: 
“Streakers. I love Streakers. Anyone who has the balls to run out onto a field and do that can call me anytime.” 
 
Brinn, nurse:
“Ask for a full rectal exam, even if you’re in for something else. If you say it’s because you have a foreign object up your ass, we have to give it to you and if your insurance covers it, it will seem like it’s free.”
 
Soledad, community theater actress:
“I like it when a guy just approaches me on the street and asks me for money. It’s like he’s not afraid of a strong woman who’s doing financially better than him and he’s just putting it all out there.” 
 
Lucia, parking meter officer:
“If you’re a hobo, tramp, or anyone that lives under a bridge, in a cardboard box or tent, or in a carved-out section of a tree, I will fuck you.”
 
Madeline, offsite independent UFO analyst:
“I hate lizard people, so if that’s you, forget it. But if you can convince me you’re in any way from another planet, or even country, I will definitely have sex with you. Did I say ‘country’? I meant ‘county.’”

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