Five new, terrifying facts about the Mongolian Death Worm

​By now you’ve probably heard about the Mongolian Death Worm, and if you haven’t you will likely be its next victim. The creature that some unscientific people continue to call “mythical” is native to the Gobi Desert and looks like a huge long sausage that burrows in the sand and appears when it is hungry to murder its prey (which could be you).
 
You’ve heard that it has no face, but then suddenly opens up into something that kind of resembles a mouth and then spews its venom all over you, which causes instant death. And you know that it also attacks camels and lays eggs inside their intestines, which eventually turns the camel red, like the worm, till it explodes and shoots baby death worms all over the place. 
 
But, unbelievably, it gets even worse. More studies of the death worm have revealed five new facts that will horrify you.

1. The Mongolian Death Worm can play dead for hours and then suddenly spring to life. It does this to gain entrance to your house or garage. Mongol desert dwellers will see a death worm carcass and think it is a large sausage or piece of shit just lying there in the sand. When they poke at it, it doesn’t move. They then carry the beast into their house to either amuse their family (“Hey, look at this huge piece of shit I found in the desert!”) or to feed them (“Hey, look at this huge sausage I found in the desert!”). Then, when the family sleeps, the death worm springs to action, murdering them all with its venom.
 
2. The Mongolian Death Worm is adept at disguises. An old Mongolian woman once used one as a walking stick for three days before the worm turned on her and ate both her knee caps before some nearby camel riders pulled the beast away. Unfortunately, they were instantly killed and then the worm finished off the grandmother by wrapping itself around her neck and dragging her through a rock field.  

3. The Mongolian Death Worm can emit a noise that sounds like one of your family members. In an attempt to lure its victims near its sand hole, a death worm can make noises that resemble members of your family. If you are walking around the desert, for instance, you may hear your wife calling you. “Chad! Can you help me with something?” When you go over to help your wife, the death worm appears behind you and bites through your Achilles tendons, leaving you helpless as other death worms gather to feast on your carcass.   

4. The Mongolian Death Worm can make phone calls. Have you ever received a call that says “unknown number”? In Mongolia, it’s probably a death worm calling. If you answer and speak for a few seconds, the death worm can take down crucial information about where you live and be at your home in as long as it takes it to slither there.
   
5. The Mongolian Death Worm will mow your lawn. Death worms will show up in non-desert areas and eat the grass in such a way that it looks amazing. They also secrete a natural fertilizer that makes the lawn look similar to a golf green. This fools many homeowners into believing the Mongolian Death Worm is a helpful creature designed by god to make your place look better. In fact, the death worm is designed by the devil and will kill homeowners when they come to look at their beautiful new lawns. Usually, they shoot out of a small hole in the ground as someone admires the grass. Then they may actually enter people’s mouths and squirm inside them till the person explodes. Moral of the story if you live in Mongolia: Having a nice lawn is not worth it. Have a shit lawn and live instead.