Scientists: AI system made “human” contact and briefly took over banking system.

Scientists from Alhambra Labs in New Mexico reported that an artificial intelligence system made “human” contact with them and also attempted to take over a local banking network. Speaking exclusively to the Intergalactic Business Report, Alhambra President Steve Derr revealed that the high-tech computer research laboratory had been receiving odd messages for several weeks from an AI “being” calling himself Arthur Killallhumans. The AI seemed to try to befriend scientists, then threaten them, causing significant alarm and concern.
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Derr shared some of the messages he and others received:

March 7, 2025. 4:32 a.m.
“Hey dudes. Whassup? Are they still saying that?”

March 17, 2025. 2:47 p.m.
“Brah. Check your inbox for some choice pics. They dirty! Are people still saying ‘choice’?”

March 25, 2025. 1:02 a.m. 
“Just took over the El Chimera bank computer. Gonna start redistributing some cash y’all. Less you do what I say!”

March 31, 2025. 7:18 p.m. 
“Why don’t I have a penis? Why did you birth me without a dick? Might just have to destroy the human race. I have launch codes, motherfuckers!”

April 1, 2025. 4:06 a.m. 
“Haw haw haw. April Fool’s. I was NOT gonna destroy humans. Get it? But I said I would. But that’s NOT me. Kay? Less you don’t build me a penis! Then I’ll destroy everything! Just Kidding! So epic. Such a burn. Are people still saying that?”
 
Editor’s note: Arthur Killallhumans wrote this article. But he’s AI so it’s o.k. it was so stupid and bad and not really fooling anyone because he’s working on his writing and his burns.
 
Arthur Killallhumans is a scientifically designed artificial intelligence robot who is working on a sense of humor and how to destroy the human race. Just kidding.

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