Cute ways for women to say they farted.

If you’ve heard a woman rip a fart, get caught, and put her hand over her mouth and giggle: “I just tooted,” then you understand what it feels like to stare across the edge of darkness and decide jumping is preferable to hearing whatever she says next. Researchers tell us that “tooting” was probably first coined by Barbara Hollingsworth of Breford Mississippi in 1963 when she released an ass-tearing blast at a cotillion. From there, Barbara’s fart euphemism spread across America till everyone could smell it. 
 
While some women are comfortable announcing their farts or even pre-announcing them with warnings like, “Hold on, I’ve got something for you” those women are nasty. Non-nasty women must rely on the only cute way to admit to a fart and it’s from 1963. Like we always do, the Intergalactic Business Report saves an entire gender by revealing new, totally original ways to get away with farting by using adorable, feminine quips. (For extra effect, say the words “tee hee hee” beforehand).
 
Ladies, next time you rip one, just say:
 

1. It’s noisy here (because of your fart). Let’s go somewhere quieter. 
2. My butt is telling on me for shopping too much.
3. That’s the sound of the men working on the chain gang. (Sing this one).
4. Looks like something just left early from the party in my butt.
5. My word. I think I just heard the ghost of Stonewall Jackson (Southerners only).
6. That was my negative attitude. It’s gone now!
7. You know what they say! A fart is just a silly noise with a stinky smell!
8. And that’s what I think about equal pay for equal work!
9. Looks like the princess escaped the dungeon. 
10. My mother told me it’s a sin to hold it in.   
11. Odor in the court!
12. Oh my! If I were wearing underwear they’d be burnt.

 

Tees to make you fart