Cereal. It’s that stuff we eat that we wouldn’t eat if we hadn’t eaten it first when we were kids because if we hadn’t someone would give us a bowl now and we’d say, “I’m not eating that shit.” Anyway, we give you the truth behind the biggest cereal brands in the world.
Honey Nut Cheerios. Having bee hallucinations is normal, right?
Captain Crunch. Used to be a “Colonel” till he was demoted for cat molestation.
Trix. Originally, the rabbit was a hooker and trix weren’t for kids. Then we changed it to how it is now.
Froot Loops. We’re dumb-friendly. Toucan Sam doesn’t rhyme. And we spelled “fruit” wrong. Bonus: Are you stoopid? Eat up.
Fruity Pebbles. Created so homophobic 8th grade boys had a punchline to the burn, “So what do YOU eat for breakfast?”
Honey Grahams. We wanted to sound like a gay British prostitution chain. How’d we do?
Count Chocula. We were going for vaguely racist and we think we got there.
Shredded Wheat. “Flabby” wheat didn’t test well, so…
King Vitamin. The “king’s” dentures are floating around in this bowl.
Lucky Charms. Originally, the leprechaun was an Indian chief who used peyote to escape interlopers on his vision quest. But test audiences didn’t understand: “I’ll make a spirit bridge and fade into oblivion with my out of sight peace beads.” Also, peace beads didn’t sound appetizing.
Oh, that's what they're really saying.