Before you can become a music super star, you need to have a cool name, and then you need to learn how to play a musical instrument. Or not. But you definitely need the cool name. This week, the Intergalactic Business Report goes behind the scenes of the music industry and reveals the hidden meaning behind the names of some of the most popular acts of the past thirty years. Ever wonder why Tony Tony Tony was named Tony Tony Tony? No? Do you even know who Tony Tony Tony is? We tell you anyway. Imagine Dragons. Imagine not sucking. We couldn’t do that, so we imagined dragons. Foreigner: We wanted a name that said: weird smelling, culturally backwards, and unintelligible. How’d we do? Tony Tony Tony: Tony is mentally challenged. We asked him what we should name our group. Maroon five: Almost named ourselves “Jazzberry Jam” but then chose the next color in the Crayola box. Hootie and the Blowfish: Wanted a name that sounded like both a children’s show where the star is arrested for child molestation and an urban dictionary sex act. How’d we do? Phish: Fish, but way worse smelling. Like how everyone at a Phish concert smells. Florence and the machine: Named after a young adult novel where a teenage girl falls in love with a dreamy robot. |
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December 2024
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