So depressed by air travel that you think all airlines are the same? Think again. They’re all pretty bad, but there’s definitely a difference. Choose what you hate least by examining the Intergalactic Business Report’s exclusive study of the messages behind our biggest airlines (and some we just threw in there).
United: At the cutting edge of stuff that makes flying miserable. Bonus: Sit there, mongrel!
Southwest: If you miss Kindergarten, you’ll love it when we yell at you for not standing in the right row. Bonus: Costs the same as every other airline, but we make you wait in line for your seat.
Emirates: If you’re a douche… And you have a corporate credit card…
American: We hate you. Bonus: Us: Assholes. You: walking cargo.
Alaska: We put Bob Marley on the side of our planes. So… that makes us cool, right?
Spirit: Hoping someone will finally figure out we’re a swingers’ club.
Virgin: We thought being cool and making flying fun was a good idea. Yeah… we actually thought that.
Frontier: Why do we even have seatbelts?