As Drunk People Awareness Month continues at an alarming pace, the Intergalactic Business Report realizes that many drunk people may be too drunk to understand the liquor commercials that are enticing them to get more drunk.
Do you want to drink Maker’s Mark and relive your horrible childhood? Or is it time to get down with your own mom? We tell you all you need to know as we present Hidden Brand messages: drunk people’s edition.
Maker’s Mark ad: “It’s your Maker’s Moment.”
What the ad is really saying: “Hey, Dad, I just stopped by so we could get rocked and talk about shit from my childhood.”
Crown Royal ad: “The guy who’s got it all.”
What the ad is really saying: “Hey, Mom, I’m home with some hard ass liquor. Let’s get so shit-faced I try to kiss you.”
Banker’s Club ad: “Drink Banker’s Club.”
What the ad is really saying: If you’re watching this ad for Banker’s Club you’re so drunk you just imagined you’re watching an ad for Banker’s Club.
Captain Morgan ad: “Got a little captain in you?”
What the ad is really saying: “Roll the dice, catch shit on fire, get a full arm tattoo. Oh, and get drunk. That’s you if you drink Captain Morgan’s.”
Jack Daniel’s ad: “Make it count (I always wanted to do that).”
What the ad is really saying: “Really bad decisions don’t matter if you’re drunk.”
Oh, that's what they're really saying.