Allstate’s “Mayhem” ads warn us that if we don’t by their insurance, we may have a middle-aged man who looks like he just got the shit beat out of him ruin our property. At least that’s what we think the message is.
In one of their latest spots, Mayhem man shows us how our smart home may be in danger of glitching out and causing untold damage to our house and appliances. This taps into all of our most primal fears about our computerized homes breaking down and catching on fire, maiming us with our own garage door, and setting a sprinkler system off. This fear runs so deep, we believe, because so many of us live in homes controlled by our internet router and random robotic shit as if we are part of a Jetson’s episode.
Below we list other highly probable insurance risks ordinary citizens should protect themselves against by paying for a home insurance policy from Allstate:
New Allstate ad spot 1: Ghosts who have sex with your fruit while you sleep.
Description: The mahem guy is wearing a sheet over himself with holes cut out for his eyes and mouth. He is in your kitchen railing a grapefruit, then throws it at a wall. He takes off the sheet and says, “I’m a ghost, and while you sleep I’m fucking all the fruit in your house.” Then he starts porking an orange. He has an orgasm and says something like, “So get All-State, and stop Mayhem, like me, from having relations with your produce.”
New Allstate ad spot 2: Your roof turning into poop.
Description: The mayhem guy is on your roof and sprinkling a magic powder all over it that turns it into monkey shit. He looks at the camera and says, “It’s a beautiful day and I’m your neighbor who decided to use magic dust to turn the roof over your head into pure primate kaka.” The roof collapses and the people inside are covered in feces. As they scream for help the mayhem guy stands outside their house and says: “So if you have cut rate insurance you won’t be protected from monkey shit avalanches caused by mayhem like me.”
New Allstate ad spot 3: An alien star laser hits your house.
Desription: “Mayhem” sits in a chair attached to a gigantic laser gun. The chair swings around and he releases a beam that goes off into space. He tells us: “I’m an alien warrior and I just shot a laser beam into space without knowing where it was going to go.” The laser beam hits your house, killing everyone instantly. Mayhem, dressed in a Martian costume walks by the ruins and says, “If you don’t bundle your home and auto insurance with Allstate, I may fucking kill your whole family.”
Oh, that's what they're really saying.