Maroon Five frontman Adam Levine says the reason for his band’s name is “the stupidest, shittiest story you’ve ever heard.” We went with that.
Here are the top eight theories about the meaning behind the name “Maroon Five.”
1. The Gilligan’s Island theory.
Ginger, the Professor, Mary Anne, Gilligan, the Captain, Thurston Howell the third, Lovey. That’s seven who are “marooned.” Clearly the band members have a sex-murder fantasy in which two of the shipwrecked characters die and the others are left to have an orgy with Maroon Five, who conveniently show up on the island right after the “accidental deaths.” When the remaining characters ask them where their boat is, Maroon Five says, “It’s around the corner.” And when they ask if they can rescue them and bring them home, they say sure, after the orgy. With Mary Ann and Ginger dead, the orgy commences. The next morning, Maroon Five get up early and take off. Gilligan calls to them and asks why he and the others can’t come along and Adam Levine says something about how they could never let it get out to their fans that they killed people on an island and then had sex with their friends. He then waves back, kind of like he’s friends with Gilligan, which makes it confusing for Gilligan, who now must bury his friends on the beach, which will only gurgle up their corpses at high tide.
2. The Crayola crayon theory.
The group was originally going to call themselves “Jazzberry Jam” after a Crayola crayon color they felt epitomized them. Then one of them started worrying that made them sound too effeminate and that they should have a tougher, harder image. Out of ideas, Adam Levine picked the next color in the crayon pack—maroon. But just naming themselves “Maroon” seemed to be missing something. They decided to add the number of castaways there would be on Gilligan’s island if Ginger and Mary Ann were murdered and the rest were left to a no holds barred orgy with whoever happened to show up on the island. The number? 5…
3. The food dye theory.
You’ve heard of Red 40, Yellow 5 and Blue 2. To make maroon coloring you’d need to mix Blue 2 with Red 40. This adds up to 42. 42 minus 5 = 37, which means nothing. But remember Yellow 5? What if it were maroon instead of yellow? What would it be called then?
4. The Maroon Five doesn’t exist theory.
This one requires some deeper thought, but basically it says that if Maroon Five didn’t exist, then it wouldn’t matter what their name means because there is no such thing as Maroon Five and no one would ever ask the question in the first place.
5. Maroon Five is named after a sex act.
Most people assume that, like Santana and Ronnie James Dio, Maroon Five is named after a gross sex thing. While this is the most likely theory, it’s hard for us to concentrate right now because we just started picturing taking a Ronnie James Dio on someone’s face while giving them a Santana. Sorry.
6. O.K. Back to the sex theory.
We just took a seven-minute break, which you wouldn’t know unless we told you. Here’s how the sex theory works. Wait. Forget it. Just thought of Ronnie James Dio again.
7. The Godfather of Soul theory.
Maroon and Burgundy are often mistaken for each other. The difference is that burgundy is red plus purple and maroon is red plus brown. If you were to put together the music of Simply Red and James Brown it would sound like Maroon 5. But why the number five, people ask? It took five minutes to think of this one.
8. Mah-Roon Fuh-Ive.
Probably the most compelling theory, it relies on a phonetic recalculating of the name. Mah-Roon-Fuh-Ive. Reconfigure this by jumbling the sounds and rearranging the words. Ive fuh mah roon mah. “I’ve fucked my roommate.”
Reports so secret we hide them on this page.