We used to think that in the future we’d be controlled by robots or alien overlords. Instead, mobile phone companies control our every move and are responsible for our sadness, joy, and entertainment when we’re taking a dump.
Today, the Intergalactic Business Report breaks through their mind control to reveal what their brands are really saying.
Boost. Where you at? In a bad neighborhood, we’re assuming.
Cricket. Our name is what you hear when you ask who uses Cricket.
ATT. Using us is like only getting a tt, when you want two.
T-Mobile. The “un-carrier” means we used to care but we’re not about that now.
Sprint. Just as bad as everyone else. That’s what we’re going with.
Verizon. We went with a name that sounds like a brand of sunglasses you buy at a pharmacy.
Metro- PC. Old people need phones too. Or do they?
Oh, that's what they're really saying.