Pockets the Clown endorses Scott-e-Vest. We have his exclusive message about his love for the product.
As a clown entertainer known for his custom-made suit that produces endless shit from its pockets, I never thought I’d be endorsing a different clothing brand that also claims to hold a suitcase worth of crap nobody really wants or needs.
For years, I’ve dazzled audiences with my ability to pull out ribbons, balloons, and smaller animals from the butt crack of my clown suit. Those oohs and ahhs fueled me to be the best in my business—that is, the niche category of clowns who pull shit out of their pockets. But when I saw an ad on t.v. for Scott e Vest, my whole world changed directions.
Scott e Vest is a brand of jackets and pants that can hold sunglasses, a tablet, a bottle of water, a phone, and probably an Eastern European dildo collection if you wanted to put that in there too. When you wear a Scott e Vest, you don’t look like a clown. Instead, you look like a person who just shop-lifted the entire beauty and home health section from CVS. But if you walk super slowly, it almost looks normal.
My wearing Scott e Vest is the equivalent of a mob boss going legit. I’m going to “get out” before I get “busted” as a clown. I’ll still have all my pockets but instead of being seen as a goofy, archaic, never really been funny entertainment relic from a time when people laughed at anything because there was zero to laugh about, I’ll be seen as that dude who’s wearing the jacket you can stuff 46 pounds of super heavy shit into.
When you think about it though, everyone is really a clown. Especially anyone who actually read this far into this article. Whether you go out and wear all the makeup or just look like shit, you’re a clown at heart. And whether you wear a Scott e Vest or a ridiculous pocket outfit, you’re, in the end, just a clown. A sad sad clown.
Anyway, get that Scott e Vest and stuff it with love this year. Love can be anything you want. It can be an onion loaf you swiped from an Outback Steakhouse. Or something else. I don’t really care. Just put some shit in that coat. And then walk around and try to look normal, like the guy in the Scott e Vest ad and me—two normal dudes, just walking around with 75 pounds of shit inside their clothes and looking normal.
All the best,
Pockets the Clown
Oh, that's what they're really saying.