11 Reasons Sir Stormbringer is the worst roommate ever, by Jeff Santos.

I’m not going to lie. When I had the chance to room with Sir Stormbringer I was pretty jacked. He is an ancient lord whose strength is legendary and there are mythic scrolls written about his exploits and heroism. He is also a total piece of shit roommate.
 
 
Sir Stormbringer, a medieval Knight, is a shitty roommate. Here’s why:

1. He is into “maidens” and “damsels in distress,” but not into “paying rent.”
2. He wields a mighty sword, but is unable to wipe his pubes from the toilet seat.
3. He is pure of heart and loyal to the king, but also addicted to internet porn.
4. He will accompany you on an epic quest, but not to the liquor store to buy beer.
5. His armor is impenetrable, and it makes him smell like shit.
6. He will entertain you with tales of yore, while you’re trying to get laid and need him to leave the fucking room.
7. He can drink ten flagons of mead… he didn’t pay for.
8. His golden locks flow from his helmet, and they smell like shit.
9. He has never been defeated in battle and has never paid for beer or rent or pizza or internet.
10. He will never yield to his enemies and never change his underwear.
11. He has the strength of ten men and takes shits that are the stench of ten men taking shits at the same time on the same toilet. My toilet. And the door is open and he’s telling me tales of yore I’ve heard like a hundred times.