Every time you hear a tweenager talk about “roasting” someone, remember that in the 1980’s people straight up burned people. Using our proprietary research engines, The Intergalactic Business report has sifted through thousands of Reagan-era insults to give you the absolute best and worst ones.
1. Party in your mom’s butt. Everybody’s coming. What we love about this classic eighties slam is that it comes in two parts. First there’s the invitation to a party, which is in the putdown victim’s mother’s butt. Then there’s the play on words/double entendre about who’s attending/having an orgasm.
2. Bite the big one. Commanding someone to suck a dick is always a totally awesome rip. But this goes beyond that. It tells the subject to bite, not suck, and not on some small penis, but on one so big it is simply called “the big one” because, presumably, everyone recognizes it as such.
1. Your mom wears combat boots. Apparently in the eighties it was really embarrassing to wear boots made for combat. And, apparently, it was even worse if you were someone’s mother.
2. Speak into the mic (must be said while pretending to hold a penis in your hand). As in number 2 above, this is yet another dick command/invitation, but in this one the penis is a microphone and no one is asked to actually suck or bite it. Just speak into it. Lame.
The best. The worst. You don't need to decide, because we do for you.