Best and worst city "welcome signs."
Your GPS tells you the highway is all red ahead. You take an “alternative” route, and pretty soon you’re driving through small town America--that place where you need to slow down to thirty-five miles per hour and look at those stupid little signs that announce where you are and what you should think about it.
The Intergalactic Business Report went through those towns on purpose to find the very best and worst city mottos our country has to offer. What we discovered offered as much delight as it did sheer terror. See what we found below:
BEST: “The friendly city.”
WORST: “Fuck your mama.”
BEST: “Home of the state champion cross country team: 1976, 1992, 2006.”
WORST: “Home of Marvin Hammerberg, convicted serial killer. Released 2018.”
BEST: “Come stay awhile.”
WORST: “Duh fuck you want?”
BEST: “City of big dreams.”
WORST: “City where corrupt local officials stop you, break your headlight, and imprison you till you pay an outlandish ransom. Then you are publicly executed.”
BEST: “Home of the tri-state barbeque cook-off.”
WORST: “Home of the hillbilly cannibal barbeque cook-off.”
BEST: “Trout capital of America.”
WORST: “Airborne death virus capital of America.”
BEST: “Voted tree city U.S.A.”
WORST: “Voted deadliest place to drive through. Even for a few minutes. Pray you make it through this gauntlet of death.”
BEST: “Visit, work, live here.”
WORST: “Visit, be imprisoned, become slave labor for Cyrus Middleberry, our overlord who doesn’t recognize the constitution or any laws other than the ones he just makes up, live here forever.”
The best. The worst. You don't need to decide, because we do for you.