What’s the point of being drunk if you don’t transform into another person while you’re doing it? This week, the Intergalactic Business Report delves deep into psychology to explore and examine the best and worst kinds of drunks. Recognize someone? Maybe yourself? Is it time to start drinking again?
BEST: The drunk who tells you how beautiful/handsome you are, and how he/she always wanted to ask you out but was too intimidated.
WORST: The drunk who tells you how hot he/she is and asks you why you never asked him/her out. Was it because you were intimidated?
BEST: The drunk who offers to buy you shit, like a car, or clothes, or Taco Bell.
WORST: The drunk who asks if he can borrow five hundred dollars so he can buy a super cool lizard he saw on the internet.
BEST: The drunk who accidently flashes her boob at you.
WORST: The drunk who purposely takes out his nuts and then then zips his pants up around them so they hang there.
BEST: The drunk who pays for everyone’s bar tab.
WORST: The drunk who tells the bartender you’re paying everyone’s bar tab.
BEST: The drunk who starts giving you a massage and is really good at it.
WORST: The drunk who challenges you to a “tickle war” and then basically assaults you on your bar stool.
BEST: The drunk who reveals embarrassing sex stories about him/herself that you know he/she would never tell you sober.
WORST: The drunk who reveals embarrassing sex stories about you that you’ve never told anyone and you can’t figure out how he knows until you remember you had sex with him.
The best. The worst. You don't need to decide, because we do for you.