Best and worst places to live in America

The Intergalactic Business Report visited every conceivable city, neighborhood, and community to determine where, in America today, is the very best and worst place you can find yourself dwelling. From the West to East Coasts and everything in between, the results may surprise you. 
 
Our report on America’s best and worst places to live reveals that the “worst” list is significantly longer than the “best.” Does this tell us something about where the country is and where it may be going? 
 
Best places to live in America:
 

1. Your mom’s basement.* 
2. Your rich uncle’s guest house.
3. A penthouse a sheik forgot to check out of.

 
Worst places to live in America:
 

1. A mattress at a crack house.
2. A box under a bridge.
3. A portable toilet.
4. A self-made “troll hole” you dug on somebody’s property.
5. An empty porn set.
6. A janitor’s office (see “Rudy”)
7. An old Western movie set (see Charles Manson)
8. An abandoned Arby’s. 
9. A Chevy Cavalier.
10. Your mom’s basement when she comes home drunk, again, and she’s with Randy…*
11. A field somewhere.
12. Carnie group housing.
13. Motel 6.
14. Underneath someone’s porch. 
15. Hospital waiting room. 
16. Dressing room at Big Lots.
17. A cave with a lot of graffiti inside, making you wonder when the guy who wrote “Murder Club” is going to return and kill you.
18. The place the Unibomber used to live.  

 
 
*Note that this is both in the best and worst categories, with the main difference being your mom’s state of being (drunk or not) and whether she’s back together with Randy.