Lockdown. Quarantine. Shelter in Place. Shakedown. Breakdown. You’re busted. As we prepare to hole up in our homes for extended times, Americans must have options for what to do while there. We give them to you. The Best. The Worst. You choose.
BEST: Playing board games with your family.
WORST: Creating a homemade puzzle of a clown’s face out of pudding.
BEST: Face-timing friends and relatives to catch up and make sure they’re all right.
WORST: Trying to contact UFOs without leaving your house by yelling loud enough for them to hear you.
BEST: Binge watch those shows you’ve been meaning to get to.
WORST: Stare at that weird part of your wall till it finally opens up and allows you into a Narnia-type world where you are king.
BEST: Keep a journal where you write about all the things you’re thankful for.
WORST: Finally get back to your “hit list” where you compile all the names of people who’ve wronged you over the years.
BEST: Play chess online to sharpen your mind.
WORST: Play Russian roulette online with real Russians.
BEST: Write that novel, screenplay, poem you always promised yourself you would.
WORST: Complete your manifesto for how you will create of a race of Bigfoots who you will use to destroy the human race (except you).
BEST: Work out. Exercise till you lose some weight and get in great shape.
WORST: Set a goal to leave quarantine with a ten-inch penis and give yourself no room for failure.
BEST: Read a book.
WORST: Finally figure out how to suck your own dick so that you don’t care about the quarantine anymore.
The best. The worst. You don't need to decide, because we do for you.