Own a bar? Well, you’re stupid, because it’s the worst business anyone can ever have. But you probably heard that already, about a million times, just before you decided to be a total idiot and go into the “bar business.”
The only good news about your horrible decision is that the Intergalactic Business Report can turn your dumbness slightly around by granting you a superior name for your crap infested shithole.
These four winners have been scientifically chosen to turn you from total disaster to just a guy who owns a crappy bar – with an awesome name.
1. The Beaver Hole. This Oregon-themed title will give you street cred with lumberjacks and also make people think it’s a strip club. Watch all those disappointed faces enter your place of business and feel obliged to order a drink. You did it.
2. Big Dick’s Big Dick Bar. That’s correct, you get to be known as “Big Dick.” Great, right? And by saying that it’s a “big dick” bar, you will attract big dicks to come there. Score.
3. The Buggery. Like the famous “Snuggery” in Chicago, this is kind of like that. Except that it’s British slang for buttfucking.
4. The Snatch Factory. Kind of like the Beaver Hole (above) except the people you’ll attract will be much much worse. And they probably won’t order a drink. Hey, it’s number four on the list. You can’t expect too much.
We name it. You grab it. Stop thinking so much.