Let’s face it. All of us have a psychological disorder that has yet to be diagnosed. Today the Intergalactic Business Report reveals five new ones that aren’t approved by that book that tells you what disorders there are. Feel free to use these before everyone else does.
Can’t do my laundry without assistance disorder. A desperate feeling of being unable to do one’s own laundry without almost total assistance from someone else. “Total assistance” would mean the other person does the laundry while you just sit there or go do something else.
You talking phobic. This is when you can’t listen to someone else’s (usually a particular person’s) shit without wanting to put your hands over your ears and roll around on the ground in anguish. The quick treatment for this phobia is for the other person to just shut the fuck up immediately and probably never speak to you again.
Can’t stop looking at your breasts syndrome. This debilitating disorder is manifested when someone speaks with a woman who has large breasts and he cannot avert his gaze from her boob area, even if he wanted to.
Can’t go to work today disorder. This is the crushing inability to have the desire to show up to work. This can be brought on by a massive hangover or your boss’s face, which may actually be the main cause of this. A solution may be to either work from home permanently or have your boss alter his face either through extreme plastic surgery or by wearing a mask or bag over his head.
Casual Tourette Syndrome. Unlike regular Tourette Syndrome, this is when someone says offensive shit only when he feels like it.
We name it. You grab it. Stop thinking so much.