Up for grabs: aggressive bumper sticker concepts for people who want to threaten all other human beings.
You may have noticed that the car parked next to you at Costco has a bumper sticker stating the owner’s intention to physically assault anyone who touches his car or asks other drivers to keep honking while he reloads his gun.
In an act of supreme human empathy and understanding, the Intergalactic Business Report attempts to bring aggressive bumper sticker users to an even higher threat level by giving them, for free, brand new, unused bumper sticker concepts they can have today.
Print these up and stick them on your truck before everyone has one saying:
1. “Willing to go to prison for the rest of my life for murdering someone who accidentally scrapes my door.”
2. “If you cut me off, I will bump your car off the road, pull you out, and cut your head off.”
3. “I am an unstable psychopath. Think about that when I murder you for no reason.”
4. “If you hit my car with my kids in it, I will assault you and go to jail because I love my kids so much I think it will be better for them to grow up without a father like me.”
5. “I’m a good parent. That’s why I will kill people who displease me in front of my children.”
6. “Attention police. I have a loaded gun in here and I will use it to kill motorists who get too close to me or use their horns.”
7. “I have bodies in my trunk. Is yours next?”
8. “My last girlfriend didn’t like my driving. I shot her. So don’t tailgate me.”
9. “I murdered a valet parker. What do you think I’d do to you?”
10. “Registered Sex Offender.”
11. “Every time I assault another driver, my penis size grows two inches in my mind.”
12. “One percent John Wayne, 99% John Wayne Gacy.”
We name it. You grab it. Stop thinking so much.