Up for grabs: names for your penis

Are you one of the few men in America who hasn’t named his penis? Or, even worse, have you tried to name it and found your choice ridiculed? 
 
In this edition of “up for grabs” the Intergalactic Business Report offers free creative counsel on naming the most important member of your underwear household. As of press time, all ten of these original penis nicknames are available. Grab one now before everyone’s using them and you look like a fool.
 
1. Henry Dickhammer. 

2. Dr. Joyce Cumming. (Replace “Joyce” with the name of whatever person you’re having sex with.) 

3. Master Boner Thunderstick. 

4. Lil’ Jimmy too soft. 

5. Commander Jonathan Meatbringer. 

6. Darryl Vaginadweller. 

7. Ramses Holefinder.
 
8. Apocodick now. 

9. Star Captain Eustace D. Porkensword. 
 
10. Phil Ratuliak.