Squid Game is an international phenomenon exporting Korean culture and entertainment to the world while making an uncanny critique of capitalism. But already there have been questions about whether the program leans too heavily on Korean customs and traditions that translate poorly to other countries. For example, what the fuck are they eating? And why is everyone except the Indian guy Korean?
As the entertainment industry scrambles to do domestic versions of the show, we help them along by giving them concepts that will fit their culture. You’re welcome.
SQUID GAME VERSION: Germany.
NEW TITLE: Tintenfischzusammenspiel
PLOT: The game takes place in a factory where players must engineer and mass produce waffle machines, which are then sold to everyone in the United States, who say stuff like, “Wow this waffle machine is from Germany. It must be amazing.”
SQUID GAME VERSION: UNITED STATES.
NEW TITLE: Waffle Machine panic.
PLOT: The day after Thanksgiving, contestants must kill one another for German waffle machines, so they can tell their friends they got one and then tell the story of how they did it. “I fucking killed a guy.”
SQUID GAME VERSION: FRANCE.
NEW TITLE: Don’t shoot.
PLOT: Game participants talk all kinds of shit about how they’re going to win but when the first contest is presented, they immediately surrender.
SQUID GAME VERSION: ICELAND.
NEW TITLE: Lazy Town.
PLOT: Participants play with actual squids. And there’s no violence. Even to the squids, which are quickly released back into the ocean.
SQUID GAME VERSION: ENGLAND.
NEW TITLE: Poppycock.
PLOT: It’s a death-murder contest between the polite British people who apologize to you and talk with their mouths closed like a ventriloquist, and the other ones who sound like Michael Caine and want to kill you.
SQUID GAME VERSION: SAUDI ARABIA.
NEW TITLE: Tuesday.
PLOT: Basically, just a regular Tuesday in Saudi Arabia, where people hide their faces with masks, get their hands cut off for stealing, and are stoned to death for sexual preference. The twist is that this time it’s a “game.”
We name it. You grab it. Stop thinking so much.