Up for grabs: titles for Netflix comedy specials.

Let’s face it. Comedians are like old people who show up to the doctor’s office just so they can talk to someone and get touched. But instead of a doctor’s office, they have a stage, where you have to sit there and watch them talk about every inch of their lives. 
 
Today, the Intergalactic Business Report helps this population of needy talkers by giving them free titles for their upcoming comedy specials. How does it work? First, get signed to do a comedy special. Next, make a title for it by using your name, a colon, and what we’ve written below. Pretty soon, people coast to coast will be watching you complain about your life. Enjoy.
 
 
COMEDY SPECIAL TITLE: Inside my snatch.
 
COMEDY SPECIAL TITLE: A Mexican werewolf ate my funniness.
 
COMEDY SPECIAL TITLE: Watch me take a dump on anything positive.
 
COMEDY SPECIAL TITLE: I’m not doing this to be funny. I’m actually just a huge dick and this is the only way I can be me without people actually killing me. 
 
COMEDY SPECIAL TITLE: The prick you have over for dinner and laugh at his jokes because you hate conflict.
 
COMEDY SPECIAL TITLE: I’m an actor now. So I’m only half funny.
 
COMEDY SPECIAL TITLE: Are you uncomfortable yet?
 
COMEDY SPECIAL TITLE: Watch me explain how I’m a broken person and also how that’s somehow funny.
 
COMEDY SPECIAL TITLE: I’m acting all funny now, but if you try to talk to me in a bar later, I’ll tell you to fuck off.
 
COMEDY SPECIAL TITLE: I’ve destroyed every relationship I’ve ever been in. Ha ha. Listen to my funny jokes now.
 
COMEDY SPECIAL TITLE: I sucked dick to be here.
 
COMEDY SPECIAL TITLE: Laugh at me before I become the next Hitler.
 
COMEDY SPECIAL TITLE: I’m weird in bed. Let me tell you about it.
 
COMEDY SPECIAL TITLE: I think I’m kind of like a philosopher because I don’t know what philosophy is.
 
COMEDY SPECIAL TITLE: Comedians are more annoying than actors. This is my proof.
 
COMEDY SPECIAL TITLE: I did something funny when I was nine and some adults laughed at it. Now you have to pay for their stupidity.