According to the Wall Street Journal, “It’s Just Lunch offers clients a chance to get acquainted over lunch. The firm does all the work, making reservations, clearing the matches with customers. All couples have to do is show up."
The concept sounds great and the company promises they use real professional matchmakers* to pair couples for lunch dates where they can see each other for the first time, without having previewed pictures of one of them without his shirt on in front of a mirror.
Our branding team appreciates the idea behind It’s Just Lunch, but feels it’s time for a slight re-brand in which the company takes a look at how to more realistically portray themselves to their clients and the public.
Below we list 15 improved company names we feel will get to the core of what they deliver. Take these today before a competitor snatches them up.
It’s just lunch sex.
It’s just awkward.
It’s just not going to work.
It just about time for me to go to my made-up nephew’s birthday and you’re not invited.
It’s just a contrived situation manufactured by a dating site.
It’s just the opening scene to a porn.
It’s just uncomfortable.
It’s just lunch where a guy asks you if you want to have sex with him.
It’s just weird sex in a Taco Bell Restroom.
It’s just that thing you did because you told yourself you were going to start saying yes to stuff and then afterwards you realized why you always said no to them.
It’s just knowing that the dude you met up with totally thinks he’s going to pork you.
It’s just like tinder, only it’s at lunch.
It’s just the tip.
It’s just in the sense that this is justice for all the times you randomly hooked up with people and didn’t have to sit through lunch with them.
It’s just time to have that thing on your dick checked out.
It’s just what Ted Bundy would do if he did internet dating.
*We assume professional matchmakers studied matchmaking at a university in the Southeast Athletic Conference, because that’s a major there.
We name it. You grab it. Stop thinking so much.